set boundaries – In this week’s Dear Abby letters, a man who left his family resurfaces after years away, and a divorced daughter struggles to get an ex out of her home while kids stay in the middle. The advice centers on boundaries, limiting disruption, and making living arra
A long-ago betrayal doesn’t stop shaping a family just because time has passed.
In a letter from a woman in Florida. Morris—an alcoholic and a spendthrift—made his decision in 2010. announcing he was having an affair with his boss and then moving in with her the next day. The writer says he eventually married that woman, leaving her angry and resentful, along with their two grown boys.
After years of distancing, the family fell into a fragile rhythm: the woman and her sons accepted hearing from Morris only about twice a year. They believed the “toxic environment” they endured had been the worst of it.
Then, a new shock arrived. Morris’ wife died a few months before the letter was written. and he began reaching out. pushing to be “friends” and “a family” again. The writer describes Morris as lonely and depressed. She notes he has been retired more than 10 years and says he has been in AA for 10 years.
The family’s distance is now under pressure in a more immediate way. Her older son, Justin, has become the target of Morris’ multiple daily texts and emails. Justin and his mother have tried to set limits, but the situation has not cooled down. Justin has recently married and wants to share the burden of his father’s loneliness. the letter says. while the younger brother hasn’t communicated much with Morris. The letter adds that Justin’s wife doesn’t want Morris to disrupt their lives.
Now Morris wants to move closer to them, and the writer says the renewed contact is creating a rift between the brothers.
Abby’s response was blunt about who bears responsibility—and who doesn’t. She told the woman to tell her sons they are not responsible for Morris. who deserted them “for greener pastures. ” and she cautioned that the depression Morris is experiencing is not something the family should be tasked with fixing. If Morris needs emotional support, Abby pointed readers toward the nearest AA meeting.
Abby also warned that the family should not allow Morris to disrupt their lives beyond what has already happened. She added a clear warning about the married relationship at stake: unless Justin disengages with Morris, it could create a serious disruption in his marriage.
The column also carried a second letter where the legal end of a marriage hasn’t matched the day-to-day reality.
In that case, a woman’s daughter has successfully divorced her husband “on paper,” but the ex is still living at her house. The letter writer says the couple has two children together, and the ex also has two children from a prior marriage. Those children stay with them three nights a week.
The daughter feels bad that her ex doesn’t have a place to go, and he wants to buy a house, the letter says—yet he spends all his money. The family offered a downpayment, but the daughter won’t allow it.
The writer asked for a way to encourage their daughter to set a deadline for her ex to move out.
Abby’s suggestion focused on leverage and clarity. If the family wants him out of the daughter’s house. Abby advised inviting him to stay with the family “until he gets settled.” She also urged the daughter to discuss the current living arrangements with her attorney. specifically in case she may be incurring financial liabilities by having her ex continue living under her roof.
Beyond those private family struggles, the column included a brief note to readers in honor of Memorial Day, where Abby added a prayer of thanks for the “courageous men and women” who sacrificed their lives in service to the country, asking that they rest in peace.
The letters in the column leave a familiar emotional truth hanging in the air: people can disappear, return, and ask to be folded back into a life that has already moved on—while another person’s home and marriage can become a battleground when legal paperwork doesn’t end the practical problem.
Dear Abby family boundaries divorce living arrangements Memorial Day AA Morris Justin attorney advice