learning Dutch – After a relationship with a Belgian man turned serious, a simple question—whether their child would speak his native language—became a turning point. With his answer that he wanted future children to speak Dutch, she began learning the language alongside him,
When she first matched with her now-husband on a dating app, his profile said he was from Belgium. She assumed he spoke French—until their first date made it clear he was from the Dutch-speaking part of Belgium. The moment landed like a question she hadn’t expected to answer: “Who would want to learn Dutch?”.
Her study plans were already moving forward. She had been studying Spanish for a few years. and in language-learning circles there’s a joke that the best way to learn a language is to date someone who speaks it. She even had fleeting thoughts about finally being able to pronounce the names of high-end French fashion brands.
But as their relationship moved from dating to something closer to a life together, the language conversation followed. When she asked her future husband if he thought she should learn Dutch, his response was blunt and honest: “It’s not very useful.”
Dutch. he explained through lived reality more than debate. is primarily spoken in the Netherlands and in the Flanders region of Belgium. where he is from. She also learned that most Dutch speakers also speak English. which meant—on paper at least—learning Dutch wasn’t necessary for everyday communication. Still, they didn’t stop at logistics. When they began talking about moving in together. getting married. and having a family one day. she asked something more personal: whether it mattered to him that their child speak his native language.
Without hesitation, he answered that it was. That answer changed the math for her. She says that’s when she knew that if their yet-to-be-conceived child was going to speak Dutch, their American mother would be the weak link if she didn’t learn the language too.
Shortly after she moved in with her husband, she started studying Dutch. She used a language-learning app with him by her side, coaching her on pronunciation and grammar. Over time, she found the resources were skewed toward Dutch spoken in the Netherlands, not Belgium.
The difference felt as noticeable as the comparison she makes: Dutch in the Netherlands and Dutch in Belgium are akin to English spoken in England compared to English in the United States. She pointed to a concrete example—“lopen” in the Netherlands means “to walk,” while in Belgium, it means “to run.”.
Even with that complexity, she says her efforts were met with enthusiasm and encouragement from her husband’s family and friends. Because it’s uncommon for Americans to learn Dutch, she says the expectations were “comically low.”
On her first visit to Belgium, her Dutch was still at a basic level. Her vocabulary was limited, and she could only speak in the present tense. Yet her husband’s friends joked that she would make a good “buitenlander. ” meaning a foreigner. because she spoke more Dutch than some people who had moved to Belgium and had lived there for years.
For her, the work has been rewarded in a way that doesn’t show up in apps or lessons. She and her husband now have a 2-year-old son, and they’re raising him in the United States. One of her greatest fears was that as a multicultural family. her son wouldn’t have a real connection to his dad’s culture.
Even though her Dutch is at an elementary level. she says she and her husband primarily speak Dutch with their son. During a recent visit from her husband’s family, that choice became visible—simple, joyful, and unmistakable. Her son got to play with his 2-year-old cousin from Belgium, who only speaks Dutch.
Watching them play, she recalls, made her heart swell. They played “keuken,” meaning kitchen. Her son pretended to make soup in an empty cooking pot and offered a “lepel” (spoon) for his cousin to pretend to drink from. He asked his cousin. “wat denk je?” meaning “what do you think?” Her cousin responded with “lekker!” meaning “tasty. ” and they laughed hysterically.
She’s clear about what the experience means to her. By learning Dutch, she believes she’s honoring her husband’s culture and language so that their son can grow up as a Belgian American, no matter where they live.
Dutch language learning Belgium Flanders multicultural family language app family culture language immersion parenting