Grandparents can buffer kids’ mental health struggles, book argues

A leading child psychologist says the country’s widening mental health crisis can’t be solved only with individual coping skills. In a new book, Kenneth Barish argues grandparents and extended family rebuild emotional “immune systems” for children—through list

On a day when more than 40% of American teenagers report persistent feelings of sadness or hopelessness, Kenneth Barish’s message lands with unusual force: the cure won’t come from parenting tips alone.

Barish, Ph.D., a Clinical Professor of Psychology at Weill Cornell Medicine, says grandparents and extended family have a vital role to play in a prolonged crisis in child and adolescent mental health—one he links to what the U.S. Surgeon General describes.

“We did not evolve to raise children with as little extended family and community support as most American parents have now,” Barish says. “Children need grandparents, and they always have.”

In his new book. The Art and Science of Parenting and Grandparenting. Barish draws on four decades of clinical work. along with insights from neuroscience. child development research. and educational programs for children. His central claim is that family support—especially from grandparents—can restore what modern life has thinned out.

Barish points to a shift he says has reshaped childhood itself. “Over several decades, America has increasingly become a society of I, not We,” he explains. In many families and communities, he argues, preoccupation with individual achievement has eroded values of kindness and caring.

He connects that cultural pressure to the emotional toll children carry. Research he references—particularly in affluent communities—shows intense pressure for achievement can contribute to high rates of anxiety. depression. and substance abuse. For Barish, the antidote is learning a sense of purpose beyond personal success.

“Individual achievement alone is a fragile source of motivation and effort, with a high cost in anxiety and stress,” Barish writes. “Helping others promotes a greater balance in children’s emotional lives.”

One of the studies he highlights comes from psychologist Jane Piliavin. Those studies, Barish says, found that helping others is linked to improved self-esteem, less depression, lower dropout rates, better immune function, and a longer life.

He recommends families make that ethic practical—through volunteering together and through frequent family conversations. Those conversations, Barish says, should begin early and focus on the importance of kindness and understanding other people’s needs and feelings.

He puts it bluntly: “These conversations strengthen a child’s sense of meaning and purpose. They are just as important as making sure kids have done their homework and correcting their mistakes, maybe more.”

That is where grandparents, in his telling, become more than extra caregivers. Barish argues they can provide what he calls “molecules of emotional health.” In his view, they are the moments of listening and encouragement that help strengthen children’s “emotional immune systems.”

“A child’s confident expectation that someone will listen and understand is the best protection against the emotional pathogens they will experience throughout their childhood. “More than anything else. children need someone in their life who listens. who helps them feel less alone. and who teaches them that problems can be solved. relationships can be repaired. and bad feelings do not last forever. ” Barish explains.

Alongside listening, he describes other ways grandparents can help—creating moments of play and fun that build positive emotions, and expressing enthusiastic interest in children’s interests and goals.

But Barish’s approach isn’t only about adding warmth. It’s also about removing a habit that shows up inside families, even when relatives mean well.

“The most common problem I see in my work with families is not too much praise, but too much criticism,” Barish states.

He argues criticism doesn’t push children toward higher effort. Instead, “frequent criticism breeds resentment and defiance, and undermines children’s initiative and effort.”

At the same time, he cautions that praise itself can miss the mark. Drawing on Carol Dweck’s concept of a “growth mindset,” Barish distinguishes between praise that builds resilience and praise that can create fragility.

“Praise effort, not intelligence or talent. Praise learning, not grades.”

Barish also acknowledges that children can have challenging behaviours. His book includes 21 rules to promote cooperative behaviour, based on research and clinical insights. Those rules include engaging children in collaborative problem-solving conversations and offering them a chance to ‘reset. ’ which he suggests is more effective than punishment.

In the closing spirit of his argument, Barish shifts the focus away from performance and toward emotional durability. “Helping our children and grandchildren succeed in life is less about teaching skills and more about having conversations; less about earning rewards and more about learning to cope with painful feelings; less about clearing a path to success and more about strengthening an inner feeling of confidence and pride. Our children will then work harder. bounce back more quickly. show more caring and kindness toward others. and pursue interests with greater enthusiasm. commitment. and sense of purpose.”.

The book’s publication date is 13th June 2026. Its thesis is aimed squarely at families wrestling with what the broader crisis feels like in everyday life—who is there to listen. who makes children feel understood. and whether children are being taught that connection and kindness can help them carry hard feelings without being consumed by them.

grandparents child mental health extended family parenting and grandparenting Kenneth Barish Weill Cornell Medicine emotional health growth mindset Jane Piliavin Carol Dweck teenage sadness and hopelessness