Colton Underwood, the former “Virgin Bachelor,” says he hid his sexuality for years and only experimented with men who were married—because he believed they had more to lose. On the We Need to Talk podcast, he also explained why he went along with the franchis
Colton Underwood didn’t just live with the “Virgin Bachelor” label—he said he had a private rule for how he experimented before he publicly came out as gay in 2021.
During an episode of the We Need to Talk podcast on Tuesday. the 34-year-old former football player opened up about how he navigated his sexuality while he was still in the closet. He described being “very careful” as he tried to figure himself out with men. saying he settled on one strict boundary: only hooking up with married men.
“I was very careful, even when I was physically experimenting with guys and trying to, like, figure myself out. I was so careful on how I did everything. To protect myself, I would only hook up with married men. [Married] ‘straight’ men. So that was sort of my rule that I would never break. When I was in the closet. that would be the only time I would ever hook up with men was if they were married … because they had more to lose than I did.”.
For Underwood, the logic was that those encounters wouldn’t “ruin his career” in the same way, because they “had a whole family that they’d be risking as well.” He called the mindset “messed up,” but said it ultimately became a kind of self-preservation.
“So it’s a messed up thing to think through, but like, it was a form of self-[preservation] … it was just like a way to protect myself.”
That protection didn’t end once reality TV came calling. Underwood said he eventually let the Bachelor Nation narrative run the way producers wanted—even though he hated it—because he didn’t want people to dig into his past hookups with men.
He became a familiar figure to fans when he was cast on Season 14 of The Bachelorette. He placed in fourth while vying for Becca Kufrin’s heart, then later became the lead of The Bachelor in 2019, where he dated—then later separated from—Cassie Randolph.
Throughout his franchise run. he grew known as “The Virgin Bachelor.” Underwood said the storyline was pushed in a way he didn’t want. explaining: “I remember I always got asked why I was a virgin. So that was the storyline that they wanted to run with. and I hated it ’cause I didn’t want that pressure. and then I also didn’t want people digging in. because at that time. I had hooked up with men.”.
He said he didn’t plan for his virginity to become the center of everything, but once it started, it kept expanding.
“I went into it like. my whole heart was like I’m not going to disclose to them that I’m a virgin no matter what. I literally told them I was a virgin on night one of The Bachelorette. I opened it up immediately, and I just gave them everything which they loved. So that’s unfortunately how it sort of came to be, and then it became my entire storyline. There were so many reasons why I was a virgin. Like, it was my faith. Obviously, the one that I didn’t tell publicly was my struggle with my sexuality.”.
Underwood also described how he tried to convince himself that he could change. He recalled thinking that sleeping with a woman might make him “become straight,” laying out the steps he told himself would lead him toward a life he could live publicly.
“’I think I need to try this … or maybe if I have sex with a girl I will become straight.’ I just was so good at convincing myself that the next step I will become straight. I need to get engaged. I need to get married. I need to lose my virginity. All of these different things were sort of steps to becoming straight. What I was telling myself is. ‘This is going to force me [to be straight].’ I’m going to be so publicly straight that I will never be able to be gay again.”.
Now, he says he wishes he had handled one part differently—being more open about his sexuality earlier.
“Ultimately, Colton wishes he ‘would have been a little bit more vulnerable about just talking about my struggle with my sexuality.’”
He added: “I think there could have been something just interesting in that conversation.”
Underwood ended with that regret hanging in the air: not about the nickname itself, but about what he believes the conversation could have been—if he had chosen vulnerability over secrecy.
The podcast episode is available via YouTube at https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=i2LqCUiM_Cw.
Colton Underwood The Bachelor The Bachelorette Becca Kufrin Cassie Randolph We Need to Talk podcast Virgin Bachelor sexuality LGBTQ coming out