You might be networking all wrong — and it could be costly.
In an era of AI-generated applications and a sluggish job market for many desk workers, making connections can be key to standing out and landing a role.
While forming solid professional relationships can help, it’s not always easy to know how to start. Career coaches and etiquette pros shared dos and don’ts for building professional relationships:
Write something personalized
When networking, people too often post generic messages on LinkedIn that don’t break through.
“You can’t go into it cold,” said Jasmine Escalera, a career expert with MyPerfectResume, referring to networking. “That doesn’t mean that you can’t go into it making a cold connection, but you can’t go into it just without a connection.”
That connection doesn’t have to be solely professional, she said. You might, for example, find a common hobby. When it comes to online outreach, avoid boilerplate notes and instead write something personalized.
Madeline Mann, a career coach and CEO of Self Made Millennial, offered similar advice.
“If you’re going to ask for 15 minutes of their time, be sure to show that you spent 15 minutes of yours,” she said.
Generally, social media alone isn’t enough.
Brandon Dock, managing director of the recruitment firm TGC Search, said that face-to-face conversations remain the most effective approach.
Dorie Clark, a communication coach and author of the book “The Long Game,” agreed: “I have always been a fan of using social media and other online tools as part of your arsenal, but it is a grave mistake to think of it as the entirety of your networking strategy.”
Keep it professional
However you do it, it’s important to maintain professionalism. At in-person events, that often means keeping drinking to a minimum, Escalera said.
On social media platforms you’re using for outreach, she said to maintain a “professional tone” and “tight brand.”
Gen Zers can sometimes struggle to balance between professionalism and friendliness, said Escalera and Lisa Richey, the founder of the American Academy of Etiquette.
“The formality of a handshake — you can never go wrong,” Richey said. “It shows leadership. It shows confidence.”
Dress appropriately for the industry
For in-person gatherings, dressing the part is essential, though fields can differ over what’s appropriate.
“Dress the way someone would in that office or in the industry, with a step up,” Mann said. She said that no matter your gender, a button-down top is a safe bet. Escalera advised keeping your outfit simple with a single standout accessory.
It’s important to tailor your clothing to the industry. Mann said, for example, that a suit might look odd at a tech event, yet it’s normal among lawyers.
The same rules apply online, Richey said.
If you’re on video, “you have to be aware of what’s going on behind you, your hair,” she said. “You have to be groomed. You have to dress the part, even if it’s an online meeting.”
Don’t wait until you need something
People often start networking only when they need a job, though that can be a mistake.
“Whenever there’s an economic down cycle, and people start to get worried about their jobs, that is inevitably when networking accelerates,” Clark said.
To avoid becoming just one among many asking for a favor, you should maintain relationships, even if you feel secure in your job. Texting with closer connections can go a long way, Clark said. She advised reaching out when you’re not looking for anything in return.
Keeping up relationships doesn’t follow a template. Mann said that connections can come from the unlikeliest of places, so it’s important to chat about your interests frequently.
“Never underestimate who knows the person you want to know,” she said.
Avoid making it just about you
Workplace observers said that too many people highlight only on their own experiences.
“Don’t focus on knowing people. Focus on noticing people,” Mann said. Both she and Escalera recommend preparing specific questions for people you find exciting.
“Having a good elevator pitch is really awesome, but what we don’t want to do is make it all about you,” Escalera said, which can make the process feel “robotic.”
Go easy on what you ask for
Networking is, by its nature, often transactional, though that transaction can be a delicate dance, the experts said.
“You have to be cognizant of power relations and power differentials in networking,” Clark said, noting you can ask a friend for more favors than a distant connection.
“You need to be very targeted and strategic about your ask, and you can probably only get away with asking them one thing,” she added.
Mann thinks about it as flipping the switch from asking to giving. Instead of simply trying to extract information, consider ways to provide value in return. It might be something as simple as offering tips for a forthcoming vacation.
No matter the interaction, it’s important to show gratitude.
“Do not forget to follow up with them the next day or within a few hours, thanking them,” Mann said. “And do not forget within the coming weeks to say how you utilize their insights.”
Do you have a story to share about your career? Contact this reporter at tparadis@businessinsider.com.
An earlier version of this story appeared on June 7, 2025.