Choosing a – A couple met in 2018 in Vancouver, Canada, married in 2021, and tried living in the UK—then hit a wall of homesickness and cost pressure. In 2022, a trip to Victoria reshaped their plans: they moved to a neutral third city on Canada’s West Coast, finding a wor
For years, the hardest part wasn’t the distance between jobs or the logistics of being together. It was the question that comes after you say “we” for the first time and mean it: where do you live?
My husband and I wrestled with that choice the way many couples do—narrowed down to two places. Vancouver, where I was from. Or Birmingham, where he had to return once our long-distance relationship began.
We met in 2018 in my hometown of Vancouver, Canada. He was traveling through the country on a soon-to-expire working holiday visa. which meant he had to go home to Birmingham. England. not long after we started dating. When we kept going long-distance for a bit, I decided to move to be with him the following year. We married in 2021.
In the beginning, the move to the UK felt like a fresh start. I came with an open mind. genuinely curious about where he was from and ready to test how it would feel to build a life together abroad—without any obligation to stay. I enjoyed the novelty: the architecture. bustling cities. quaint villages. the fashion and music scenes. and the new friends I was making.
There was also a practical pull. Birmingham was more affordable than Vancouver.
Then homesickness caught up with me after a few visits back to Canada. I missed Vancouver’s beaches, mountains, forests, and the diversity that shaped everyday life there. The contrast was sharp—post-industrial Birmingham felt like pubs and canals to me. and the culture in the UK didn’t land the way I hoped it would. My husband could see the change. We still found ourselves stuck.
What slowed us wasn’t a lack of care. He had a point: we’d likely be working so much that we’d barely have time to enjoy Vancouver’s natural beauty, especially with high cost of living and post-pandemic inflation. I understood his logic. But the longer I stayed in the UK, the more I missed Canada.
It took a trip to change everything.
In 2022, when we visited a third place, we stayed with my family in Victoria. It was my husband’s first time there. He fell in love with the city. Like Vancouver, Victoria is coastal with easy access to nature. But its smaller size makes life less stressful, and it’s slightly more affordable. He liked it enough that by the end of the trip, he suggested moving.
Victoria became our compromise in a way neither of the original options had.
It’s culturally and geographically close enough to Vancouver that I’m happy there. The lower cost of living and the slower pace of life feel more worthwhile to my husband. I get to enjoy the West Coast lifestyle I love—and the one he also appreciates—while we still feel like we’re on track toward our goals.
There’s another detail that quietly mattered to him: a significant British population in Victoria. It helped him feel more at home, from being able to watch football games alongside his favorite UK foods to making friends at work.
Choosing a third city didn’t erase every complicated feeling that can come with an international relationship. Sometimes I still feel bad that we’re so far from my husband’s family. and it isn’t as easy to visit as we’d like. There are also cultural elements that he’ll never quite get behind. just as I’d felt the same in the UK.
But the change was real.
By then, we knew what the “almost right” choices had cost us. Homesickness had grown during the years in the UK. Vancouver, as much as I love it, wasn’t his best fit either.
Moving to Victoria created what felt like a more level playing field. We’ve both had to start from scratch. which means we can empathize with each other more about re-establishing our jobs. social circles. and lives in general. More importantly, we both love where we are now. We’re excited about the future we can build in the city we chose together—without resentment forming in the cracks.
Vancouver Birmingham Victoria long-distance relationship cost of living homesickness relocation Canada UK marriage