Either some of Lindsay Clancy’s sympathizers actually feel inclined to kill their kids, or they’re performing that feeling for their followers. While both are awful, one is horrifying.
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At first I could see why some women felt bad for Lindsay Clancy. Admittedly, I did a little.
I have watched the 36-year-old mother, paralyzed from the waist down after a failed suicide attempt, stand trial in Massachusetts to determine whether she’s legally responsible for killing her three kids on on Jan. 24, 2023.
Clancy wept openly on July 29 as a prosecutor held up the clothing her babies wore when she strangled them to death.
As a witness described on Aug. 12 the injuries Clancy inflicted when her children died, she sobbed, “I can’t do it!” and the trial had to take a break.
Her trial has been televised for weeks now, perhaps the first of its kind in America to unfold while TikTok and Instagram are at peak engagement.
Reactions online, though, fed by an algorithm hungry for emotional outbursts and likes, have opened a dark window into what many women are actually feeling about motherhood and Clancy. It goes well beyond a dose of justice or a touch of compassion and has devolved into solidarity with, even veneration of, the mother of three.
From her wheelchair and without a single word of testimony, Clancy has whipped up a frenzied fandom of women who have made her a martyr. It’s dangerous and disgusting.
Women are identifying with Lindsay Clancy. That’s concerning.
On TikTok and Instagram, hundreds, if not thousands, of women are empathizing with or rallying around Clancy: from making statements like “I am Lindsay Clancy,” to posting videos of them holding their own children saying, “Same, Lindsay,” to show that they, too, commiserate, presumably, with the desire to kill their children.
A New York Times opinion column, written by a professor who studies women who kill their kids, suggests Clancy deserves mercy, not life in prison. A TikTok about the validity of postpartum rage has more than 60,000 likes.
The flurry of fandom online has raised questions for me about women, motherhood and the contagion of mental illness and victimhood that some algorithms seem to reward.
There’s an obvious gap between real life and social media that these women are too consumed by their own oppression to see: Clancy’s attorney is arguing she cannot be held accountable for the killings of her children because of postpartum psychosis.
The diagnosis exists, but it’s quite rare. Are these women saying they, too, may have this rare diagnosis? If so, how and why do they have the ability to set up their cameras, film themselves and post about it? Or are they merely saying they have felt so isolated, exhausted and violent that they, too, have wanted to hurt or kill their kids? That’s deeply concerning, too.
Either some of these women actually feel inclined to kill their kids, or they’re performing that feeling for their followers. While both are awful, one is horrifying.
Mothers need to stop throwing themselves a pity party
Social media algorithms are particularly susceptible to groupthink and trends, especially around victimhood. Stories of people faking illnesses online (even serious ones like cancer) abound. That phenomenon has captured Gen Z and now, it seems, mothers. But none of that explains why some women become mothers and the first thing they want the world to know is how hard it is.
Don’t get me wrong. It is hard. I had four kids under the age of 6 and probably didn’t sleep more than a few nights consecutively for almost a decade. Now I have three teenagers and a 12-year-old. (I’ll let you guess which is harder.)
I’ve had some tough times, like all moms. But wallowing perpetually in self-pity, then posting it on social media for empathy and attention, isn’t particularly productive or healthy. If the TikTok moms posting “Same, Lindsay” really mean it, they should log off, confide in loved ones and immediately seek the help of professionals. Seriously.
But if these women turn off the camera, after saying they, too, could have wound up just like Clancy, then go get a fresh pedicure while their husband watches the baby, they need to reevaluate their priorities and figure out why they want to be a victim for clicks.
Because here’s the thing about motherhood, about Clancy’s case and about the children whose killings are at the center of this trial: In real life, there are victims and perpetrators. Sometimes those lines blur, but often they do not. They do not here. Not enough to build a fanbase around Clancy, at least.
Clancy weeps and wails in court while the cries of 5-year-old Cora, 3-year-old Dawson and eight-month-old Callan can no longer be heard, because she killed them.
The prosecutors called forensic psychiatrist Dr. Gregory Saathoff, who said Clancy took each child to the basement and strangled them individually. Clancy told doctors she felt like a puppet while she did it. Saathoff had an answer for that: “Children are not puppets.”
“You know, just like adults, children have a will to survive – a strong, strong will to survive. I think it’s just part of being human,” Saathoff said. “I mean, they … are active. They can walk. They can run.”
I have a message for the moms of TikTok, and I hope you hear me loud and clear: Choosing to identify with Lindsay Clancy as a martyr, rather than advocate for her children, the real victims, isn’t just twisted empathy and fandom gone wrong; it’s misplaced priorities. Motherhood can be brutally difficult, but its hardships do not erase the humanity of the children who depend on us. No amount of online empathy, or whipped-up Clancy martyrdom, should make us forget that.
Nicole Russell is an opinion columnist with USA TODAY. She lives in Texas with her four kids. Sign up for her newsletter, The Right Track, and get it delivered to your inbox.