TikTok influencer Sara Gilson posted a 15-second TikTok clip on July 11, writing over it, “Preparing for when Netflix drops a documentary about my soon to be ex husband who I just found out is a pedophile.”
The post was a take on a TikTok trend where users film themselves in front of the camera as if they’re being interviewed in a Netflix-style documentary.
But 12 days later, police responding to a domestic violence call found Gilson and her estranged husband, Jeremiah “Shawn” Duffey, dead from apparent gunshot wounds at Gilson’s home, according to the Owasso Police Department.
Police allege Duffey killed Gilson and then turned the gun on himself. Her death comes after Gilson filed for an emergency protective order against Duffey on June 10, which was granted.
The tragedy sparked a broader conversation online, with survivors of domestic abuse and supporters of Gilson pushing back at the misconceptions victims often face in unhealthy or dangerous relationships.
Gilson previously filed two protective orders from Duffey in 2021, but both were dismissed after she did not appear in court, according to The Oklahoman.
“For the people who wonder why women don’t always come forward, THIS IS WHY,” one person commented under Gilson’s video. “The most dangerous time in a woman’s life is leaving her partner,” said another accompanied by a broken heart emoji. “In a lot of cases, people blame women for not ‘leaving’ domestic abuse or in this instance a pedophilic husband. But they don’t understand the fear that comes with it and the audacity that some men have to come back and murder their families. Rest in peace Sara.”
Experts who work with survivors of domestic abuse say leaving an abusive relationship can require navigating threats to a person’s physical safety, grappling with financial dependence and finding housing. The period before a person leaves a toxic or abusive relationship can be particularly dangerous if their partner knows the victim intends to leave.
“The main thing for everyone to understand is that leaving is not as simple as people think,” said Angela Lee, a director of Love is Respect at the National Domestic Violence Hotline. “It’s very complex.”
What to know about Sara Gilson and Jeremiah ‘Shawn’ Duffey
On June 10, Gilson filed for an emergency protective order against her husband, and he was ordered to leave their home and stay 100 yards away from her. In her application, she wrote that Duffey possessed a firearm and had “proceeded to threaten suicide,” according to the Oklahoman.
In a separate case filed the same day, a mother of a 15-year-old sought a protective order against Duffey, who was her daughter’s basketball coach, according to court records obtained by USA TODAY. The mother wrote in the complaint that Duffey had convinced her daughter to come to his hotel room on a trip and touched her inappropriately, sent her inappropriate messages and paid her to stay quiet about it.
“Similar conduct by this coach towards this particular juvenile player was reported to have occurred over an extended period of time, in multiple law enforcement jurisdictions, across multiple states prior to this incident,” Owasso Police Capt. Nick Boatman told USA TODAY.
Why it’s complicated to leave an unsafe relationship
The process of leaving a relationship is shaped by factors like physical safety, finances, children, transportation and employment. Experts note that violence isn’t always physical, and unhealthy or toxic relationships can look different depending on each person’s experience.
“Saying ‘you should leave’ is the worst thing that you could do to a victim who has acknowledged to you that they are going through an abusive relationship or even an unhealthy relationship,” Lee says. “Gaslighting is real, and sometimes they’ll be left thinking it was their fault.”
Instead, Lee recommends that those helping a friend through a challenging situation or experiencing it themselves create a safety plan with an advocate through an organization like the National Domestic Violence Hotline.
Advocates can connect callers with shelters, legal advocacy and representation, and counseling services. In 2025, the hotline received 1.3 million inquiries, and served more than 708,463 individuals.
A safety plan might include creating a code word with trusted friends or family, setting aside emergency cash and identifying a safe location to go to after leaving. It’s also helpful to keep a written log of evidence of incidents or a trail of photos and documents.
“Leaving isn’t just about walking out the door; it’s about rebuilding their entire life,” Lee added.
When discussing stories like Gilson’s online, Lee encourages onlookers to swap judgment for compassion.
“It’s important for people to not pass judgment, to not make the victim feel guilt or shame, right? Because they’re already experiencing that,” Lee said. “The bigger question is, what are the barriers that they’re facing that kept them from leaving until they tried to leave?”
If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, call 1-800-799-SAFE (7233) or text “START” to 88788.
Rachel Hale’s role covering Youth Mental Health at USA TODAY is supported by a partnership with Pivotal and Journalism Funding Partners. Funders do not provide editorial input.
Reach her at rhale@usatoday.com and @rachelleighhale on X.