being yourself – Being authentic at work can improve performance and reduce burnout—yet employees still have to navigate professional boundaries around what to share, how to joke, and how to “read the room.” Leaders set the tone, and experts say the safest path is openness wit
On a normal workday, the hardest conversations aren’t always about deadlines. They’re about whether it’s safe to say, out loud, that you’re caring for a parent, picking up a child from school, or juggling responsibilities outside the office.
For many employees, that question comes up again and again: how much “me” is actually OK to bring to work?. It’s a balance between feeling authentic and not spending the day performing a polished version of yourself—while also staying within the thin line between openness. oversharing. professionalism. and discomfort.
The stakes are real. BetterUp, a professional training and coaching platform, reports that employees who say they have a strong sense of belonging at work see a 56% increase in job performance, a 50% lower risk of turnover, and a 75% reduction in sick days.
Experts say the way out starts with how workplace behavior is shaped—especially by leaders.
Workplace culture is “behavior,” not posters
Alison Campbell, a former chief of staff and now a burnout researcher, compares workplaces to “an ecosystem of people,” adding that the ecosystem only works when trust and behavior—“not just stated values”—are aligned.
Campbell frames it as “behavioral,” not branding: “It’s behavioral. It’s not just the values on the walls.”
She also argues that culture gets set from the top down. The question leaders must answer in practice, not in mission statements, is whether they model a healthy pace.
“Do leaders model that you have to work around the clock, and that you have to sign in on vacation to join calls, or is it modeled that you’re able to take breaks?” Campbell asks.
When leaders show boundaries—realistic expectations and respect for life outside work—employees receive a clear signal that those boundaries aren’t only acceptable, they’re expected. When leaders don’t, Campbell says employees often protect themselves instead of opening up.
That shift shows up quickly in daily behavior: what people share, how they communicate, and where they set limits.
When it’s personal, trust decides what feels safe
Sharing parts of your personal life at work can feel intimidating even in environments that otherwise encourage communication. Talking about responsibilities like caring for a parent or child—or simply needing to step away briefly for school pickup—can make employees worry that honesty will be interpreted as lack of commitment.
Campbell puts the emotional problem plainly: “It can feel vulnerable and scary to have to set parameters and say I’ve got these other commitments.” Employees may start to think that opening up signals they’re not “all in.”
Her solution is two-sided. Managers need to create space for openness by actively inviting employees to share what’s going on in their lives. At the same time, employees should recognize that leaders can’t adjust workloads or expectations without understanding their needs.
Without that communication, Campbell says it becomes “hard for the manager to really understand how they need to tailor work in a meaningful way.”
Humor has rules, even in laid-back workplaces
Even when a workplace feels comfortable, there are still unspoken professional boundaries around what’s appropriate to share—and what’s risky.
Campbell advises employees to “err on the side of caution,” particularly when sharing memes, viral content, or jokes pulled from social media. “You never want to put yourself in a position where it comes across as unprofessional or, more importantly, that it’s offensive to anybody else.”
Pretti D’mello, an organizational psychologist and Co-Founder & President of The Fulfillment Institute, says humor works best when it lifts rather than targets. “The idea of humor is to lift, not to bring anybody down.”
For D’mello, the goal is connection: “nobody feels targeted [and] nobody feels like they are the center of attention.”
Reading the room becomes harder with distance
Being yourself at work isn’t only about what you say. It’s also about how you notice what’s happening around you.
Campbell calls “reading the room” a form of emotional intelligence—being “in tune with how people are responding” and staying “emotionally regulated.” In workplaces where trust and relationships exist, people can pick up on “signals and the cues that are unspoken.”
D’mello adds that reading the room is ultimately about being human and sensing energy, including subtle shifts in how people interact. “There is an energy that’s floating between us,” she says, describing how people can sense alignment—or disconnection—even in remote or hybrid settings.
When people have that awareness, D’mello says conversations can move more thoughtfully—“flowing with elegance” rather than missing subtle cues.
Even personality at work comes with boundaries
Workplaces also include different social roles, and experts warn that “being yourself” doesn’t mean abandoning limits.
D’mello describes a “jokester” who may focus more on attention than connection. “Jokesters cross boundaries very easily,” she says, but adds: “humor knows boundaries” and “knows where it can go, [and] it cannot go.”
She also describes a “workplace parent,” noting that this can involve trying to establish self-worth or get attention by acting as a caregiver at work. “Our humanity demands that we care for each other,” D’mello says, but it doesn’t mean “we start parenting others at the workplace.”
Then there’s the “personality hire.” D’mello says she understands why some people want it. while cautioning that it should not replace skills and competencies. “I like the idea of a personality hire. not to the neglect of skills and competencies. ” she says. emphasizing that technical skills matter but so do social skills and the ability to hold complexity and engage with different perspectives.
What the experts return to, again and again, is balance: teams work best when personality, support, and presence are welcomed—paired with awareness, boundaries, and a shared focus on how work gets done.
Why authenticity matters: less strain, better teams
Campbell says trying to keep up a “polished work persona” can wear people down. “It can be exhausting to keep up this facade.”
“We’re not robots, we’re human,” she says.
Being able to show up authentically at work can help teams feel better and function better too.
When coworkers don’t accept you, return to the work
Not every workplace makes authenticity easy. Feeling out of place can be isolating, especially when background, identity, or perspective shape day-to-day interactions.
Campbell’s advice is to bring conversations back to the work rather than assuming the tension is personal. “How do we make this about work?” she says—whether that means using data, clarifying the business case, or widening perspectives before decisions are made.
In tougher situations, Campbell urges careful thinking about context, relationships, and safety before responding. She also warns that addressing issues directly can carry risk depending on power dynamics. making it important to consider “who in my network do I trust to be able to talk about this first” before deciding how to move forward.
D’mello adds that naming what’s happening in the moment can reset a dynamic. If someone dismisses you, she suggests saying: “‘Hello, I’m here, just in case you missed me.’”
She also recommends direct openness when communication breaks down. If you feel misunderstood because of an accent. she says you can ask: “In case you find it hard to understand what I’m saying because of my accent. feel free to ask me to repeat myself. ” framing it as a way to “open the door and build a bridge” so both sides can meet more easily.
Over time, Campbell says, misalignment can build until it’s exhausting—sometimes contributing to burnout—when employees consistently feel out of step with a team’s values or leadership approach.
At its core, she returns to balance: show up authentically while holding the boundaries that protect well-being and keep collaboration intact.
workplace behavior workplace boundaries employee belonging job performance turnover risk sick days burnout workplace culture leadership modeling communication humor at work emotional intelligence remote work