Staying in – After moving from Vancouver to the UK for her husband, and then returning to Canada in 2023 near her mother and sister in Victoria, the author’s family eventually drifted away again in 2024 and 2026. For the first time in adulthood, she says she lives complete
She can still remember what “near family” used to feel like in her daily routine. In her early 20s in Vancouver. Canada. her mother was close enough to give her rides and help with especially heavy groceries when she didn’t have a car. Her home felt like a landing pad—something dependable if things with roommates fell apart.
Then life pulled her across an ocean. In the second half of that decade, she moved to the UK to be with her then-boyfriend, now her husband. For the first year. they lived with his family. and she says it went better than she expected: they became her first true friends in a new country. helping her get used to the culture. keeping her company while he was working. and taking care of her dog during the day after she got a job. Even after they moved into their own place, relatives were still never far away.
When the couple decided to come back to Canada, in 2023, they made a choice that felt practical and emotionally familiar: live in a city with the same kind of support system.
Her mother, her sister, and her sister’s family had moved from the BC mainland to Victoria on nearby Vancouver Island while she was in the UK. Being in the same city, she says, would make resettling easier—because she’d done it before.
At first, the couple stayed with her sister’s family when they landed. Having a home ready immediately mattered. It meant they had somewhere to go right after arrival. and she says it helped them save a lot on temporary rentals they might have needed. It also made setting up accounts easier because they had a permanent address to use.
Eventually, they found a place of their own near her mother’s home. That proximity kept the support going while she and her husband settled. Even as they adjusted to their new island routines, she describes the transition back home as easier than it could have been.
For the first time in almost a decade, she says, her family all lived in the same city. Her sister had spent much of the 2010s living in France. The togetherness, she writes, meant they could be there for each other.
Then the dynamic shifted again.
Her sister’s family moved back to Europe in 2024, after her husband started feeling homesick for Ireland—the country where he grew up. Her mother moved back to Vancouver earlier this year, after her partner expressed that he missed the conveniences and more urban feel of the mainland.
For the first time in her adult life, she says she is living totally separate from family. She doesn’t frame it as a disaster. There’s loss in it, though. She misses her mother being able to pick up better-value groceries from Costco for her. She also feels bad that she doesn’t see her nieces and nephews very often.
But she and her husband, she says, have to do what’s right for them.
They’re still in Victoria, and she says she loves where they live. She points to natural beauty, a relaxed pace of life, Victoria’s compact size and walkability, and great weather—“for Canada, at least.” On the practical side, she says her husband has found a good job.
And she ties the decision back to money as well as mood. She describes settling down as more realistic in Victoria than in Vancouver because Victoria has slightly lower property costs.
There’s another force at work, too: what she’s learned from earlier life chapters. She says the benefits of her new city now outweigh proximity to relatives. She’s also grown used to not having everyone nearby. from her time abroad and from growing up in an immigrant family where many relatives were in other countries.
Separation from family, she adds, isn’t for everyone. But she says her upbringing prepared her for it. Even as her family values each other, she writes that carving your own path can lead to greater fulfillment.
In the end, the story isn’t only about distance—it’s about the choice to stay put after the safety net shifts. Her family moved, and she didn’t follow. She’s living a life that isn’t built around closeness anymore. And for the first time, she says, she’s staying without resentment.
Vancouver Victoria Canada family support relocation property costs cost of living jobs UK move Ireland homesickness immigrant family settling down