DEAR ABBY: I am living in total dysfunction with my daughter (32) and husband (75). I am retired and going on 76. My daughter will not work and is controlling my life. She has OCD and refuses medication. It’s so bad that she has become completely dependent on me. She makes me drive her and yells at me while I do. If she doesn’t get her way, she yells and calls me horrible names. The police have been called to the house in the past, but it only made things worse for me.
She has been accepted to a college with a partial scholarship for her second master’s degree and wants me to fund her housing. Her father, who is also verbally abusive, leaves home before she gets up and comes home around 8. He then sits in the driveway to avoid her. I have been abandoned to deal with her.
Abby, I taught school for 40 years, raised three kids and did all the work around here while he worked a cushy job for his parents. I also found on his phone that he has a girlfriend. I am so upset living with him that I want out of this house and away from him.
I daydream of getting my own apartment and living alone. If I file for divorce, my husband will go after my pension. He has no retirement savings and still works. What can I do? — UGLY SITUATION
DEAR SITUATION: Talk to a lawyer! Have you done so? Your assumption that your pension isn’t safe may not be true, and a good attorney may be able to help protect it.
Additionally, I urge you to call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 right away. Even though no one has been physically violent, you are still a victim of emotional (and possibly financial) abuse. No one should have to live under the conditions you have described.
DEAR ABBY: I recently found out that the state removed all of my good friend’s children and placed them into protective custody. I got this information from a local news website I was browsing one day. She is being charged with multiple felony counts of child neglect. I knew she didn’t have custody of her kids prior to finding the article, but she never mentioned to me what was really going on. This woman has been like a sister to me for years.
I’m torn about how to feel. I have yet to tell her I know the true situation. We haven’t spoken since I found out. Do I reach out and ask for her side of things? The article laid out that the neglect had been occurring for years. I feel awful that I never knew how bad it truly was for her kids. Part of me wants to ask what is going on; another part wants to disconnect from her forever. — MAY NEVER KNOW THE TRUTH
DEAR MAY: What have you to gain by contacting this woman and telling her you know the situation? The story has been all over the media, and she likely assumes that everyone knows about it. If, in light of your long relationship, you feel you would like to be supportive, then reach out to her. However, if you’re merely curious, then listen to your gut and step out of the picture.
Dear Abby is written by Abigail Van Buren, also known as Jeanne Phillips, and was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. Contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
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