Assisted living costs pushed dementia care home

assisted living – Lori Bufka, 64, moved her 88-year-old mother with dementia from an assisted-living facility in California to a 700-square-foot trailer next to her home in Arizona after costs rose from about $4,700 a month to $5,200—draining her mother’s savings. Bufka, an onl

By the time the assisted-living bill began to climb again, Lori Bufka already knew what the new number would mean for her mother.

Bufka, 64, lives in Arizona and has been caring for her 88-year-old mother with dementia. Her mother had been in assisted living in California for over seven years—long enough that Social Security and her veteran benefits covered the cost at first. Over time, the rate kept going up and up, draining savings that had once seemed like a cushion.

The cost was about $4,700 a month, and it was about to go up to $5,200. Bufka said the increase was a couple of thousand dollars more than what her mother earned. When she received notice that the rate was rising again—and that the quality-of-care cost would increase because her mother’s dementia was getting worse—her mother’s savings had dropped to almost nothing.

The facility also told Bufka her mother would be moved to a dementia unit with four other people. Bufka didn’t want that to happen.

As her mother’s dementia progressed, the phone became another daily crisis. Bufka said her mother got so many scam calls that she eventually had to turn off her mother’s phone.

So Bufka and her partner made a decision that upended their routine. Instead of trying to absorb another round of higher charges, they brought her mother next door.

The new arrangement began in November, when Bufka moved her mother into a trailer in the same trailer park as their tiny house in Arizona. Bufka described it as a practical compromise—enough space and safety close to home, where someone could check in constantly.

There wasn’t room for her mother and her partner together in the tiny house, so Bufka said she had to place her mother in a smaller “model home” within the same trailer park. The trailer is about 700 square feet and is about a minute’s walk from Bufka.

She said the owner of the trailer park keeps an eye on everyone, and that mattered because her mother wasn’t living with her directly. Bufka still planned for care as if she were.

To make it happen, Bufka and her partner financed the trailer using two-thirds of her mother’s savings and one-third of Bufka’s savings. The trailer was in the low five figures. The rent for the space runs a little over $500 monthly.

The monthly expenses, Bufka said, are far lower than assisted living—especially when combined with the way she and her partner split caregiving. Her mother’s utility bills run about $200 monthly in the winter and $70 in the summer.

But caring at home has its own math, and Bufka said it started to become “a little much” as time went on. The challenge wasn’t only physical—there were limits to local support. She said there aren’t many home health organizations nearby, and none take her mother’s insurance.

Her mother entered hospice care. Bufka said they hired someone to come for a few hours a week, with an expected price of $37 for two hours—only for the bill to come in at $92 after mileage was added. After that, they stopped the paid help.

Now hospice volunteers visit “every now and then,” and hospice covers medically necessary appointments. Bufka said she expects she and her family will care for her mother until she dies, unless she reaches a point where she can no longer take care of her.

The caregiving shift has been a quiet but total change to Bufka’s life. She said they haven’t been traveling since November, and she hasn’t been away from her mother for more than three hours at a time.

Her mother is somewhat independent still. Bufka said she can dress herself and go about her day. The morning routine begins with certainty checks: Bufka said she wakes up every morning to make sure her mother is still in bed. then turns on her coffee maker. She brings breakfast and leaves notes about tasks her mother can still manage—like how to use the microwave—and checks on her every half hour until she gets up.

Before lunch, Bufka said she gives her mother pills and eats lunch with her. In the afternoons, her mother watches TV by herself. Dinner isn’t something her mother can do safely anymore, so Bufka’s partner cooks and the family brings meals over.

Inside the trailer, the layout was part of the safety plan. Bufka said the trailer has a bedroom at the back, plus a small bathroom, kitchen, and living room. The rooms are big enough for her mother to guide her walker through. Bufka also said the trailer is narrow enough that it “lessens the fall risk.”.

There were upgrades too. Bufka described an old-fashioned bathtub that required stepping over to enter, and said the trailer park owner hired a guy to lower the height. They also installed railings on the porch.

In the kitchen, Bufka pointed to another decision tied to dementia risks. She said the trailer has an electric stove, because a gas stove isn’t good when someone has dementia: her mother could accidentally light a fire.

To cope with another common dementia nightmare—the inability to manage a TV remote or phone—Bufka leaned on technology.

One of the biggest problems, she said, was that her mother couldn’t work the TV and telephone. Her mother reached a point where she could barely use the remote and would push buttons and not stop.

Bufka said she came across JubileeTV, a system that lets her change channels remotely. She said the price wasn’t prohibitive for them. The Jubilee remote replaced the Roku remote and came with a cover, limiting the buttons her mother can press to volume and channels.

When Bufka is out at the store, she can use the telescope function to see what her mother has done with the TV and correct it back to what she wants to watch. Bufka also calls her mother, and the call appears on the TV; her mother uses closed captioning so she can read what Bufka is saying.

The app’s automatic connect function matters, Bufka said, because her mother wouldn’t be able to answer calls or find the buttons needed to do so. She said her sons can also call her mother through the communication function, and hospice nurses can do the same.

Bufka uses the app’s drop-in feature to look in and check whether her mother is okay. She combines that with Blink cameras to help confirm that her mother doesn’t fall.

Falls have been a real part of life since her mother moved into the trailer. Bufka said her mother has fallen a lot. and that she probably checks on her three or four times during the night and frequently during the day. She recalled one moment when her mother put Dawn dishwashing soap in her glass of water because she wanted to add flavor—an unsafe impulse Bufka said she had to stop.

She also installed smart plugs from Alexa so her mother can control her radiator heater and other electronics. Bufka said her mother has a cheap laptop with the Google Live Transcribe app installed.

For Bufka, the technology isn’t a substitute for care, but it’s helped prevent some of the worst outcomes. She said technology has helped her in many ways, and seeing her mother age at home has been somewhat stress-relieving.

The story, at its core, is about a decision made at the intersection of healthcare pricing and family limits. When assisted living became too expensive for her mother—moving the monthly cost from about $4. 700 to about $5. 200 and draining nearly all remaining savings—Bufka rerouted care to a place that let her stay close and keep her mother safe.

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