I HAVE FALLEN FOR ONE OF MY PARENTS’ FRIENDS, BUT HE TOLD ME I AM TOO YOUNG AT 18 I have fallen for one of my parents ’ friends. He’s a bit younger than them, at 32, but we’ve known him for quite a few years. He often visits our house, and I know that he’s not in a relationship. Last month I finally plucked up the courage to tell him how I feel and that I wanted to marry him. He said he was
flattered but that I should be going out with people who were much more my own age – I am 18. I’ve asked him several times since, but he still thinks I am far too young to be settling down. Why can’t he see that I am serious about this? JENNIFER SAYS You may be serious, but he’s being sensible. You were brave to tell him how you feel but he’s given you a clear answer several times. It’s not that he doesn’t “get” your
feelings, I am sure he does, it’s that he’s choosing not to act on them and it’s a boundary I think he’s right to keep. It’s clear he values his friendship with your parents and isn’t prepared to jeopardise it by having a relationship with their daughter. I know it hurts but please stop trying to convince him – he’s given you his answer already. If you continue, you’ll only cause further embarrassment and pain. Instead, put your energies into making friends and doing things
with people more your own age. MY SON HAS BEEN SUSPENDED FROM SCHOOL FOR STEALING My eight-year-old son was sent home from school last week and suspended for a week. Embarrassingly, he’d stolen something from another child’s locker and not for the first time, it seems. At home, I completely lost it and angrily called him a thief. When I asked him why he’d done it, he completely stunned me by saying that he didn’t think it was wrong because I steal from the place
where I work all the time. I work in a food preparation unit and often bring stuff home that’s unused at the end of the day. I tried to explain that it’s not the same, but he wouldn’t have it. Now I feel like it’s all my fault and have no idea how I deal with this. JENNIFER SAYS It may make you uncomfortable, but your son’s logic is understandable – he’s copying what he’s seen. Children have the uncanny knack of exposing parental double
standards. Trying to argue it’s different for you won’t work either. If you want his behaviour to change, you’re going to have to show that the same rules apply to you and, however hard it may be, admit that you too were in the wrong. Then deal with his behaviour directly. Help him to understand that stealing has consequences and it’s important to return items, apologise, and earn back the trust he lost at school. Want to see more of the stories you love from
RSVP ? To add RSVP as a preferred source of news on Google, simply click here
Ask Jennifer, relationship boundary, family friend, age gap, consent, parental double standards, stealing, school suspension, child behaviour, consequences