Abby’s advice lands: workplace noise, unequal care, and hurt

In three letters to Dear Abby, readers describe a workplace where noise is constant and managers join it, an in-law gift routine that leaves one daughter-in-law feeling discounted, and a wedding-era thank-you note tied to a troubled divorce. Abby’s responses f

A workspace should feel like a place to focus, not like a place where you have to fight for silence. One reader says that in their office. multiple departments share the same area and most colleagues are considerate—until a certain group from one department starts talking nonstop. with conversations that aren’t work-related. The writer says it has become “next to impossible” to get work done daily.

What makes it worse, they add, is that the behavior isn’t corrected. The individuals’ managers, the reader says, not only refuse to rein in the noise, but often join in themselves. The writer says they and others are “desperate for a reasonable work setting” and want to know the best way to approach it.

Abby’s reply asks a question with a practical edge: the letter doesn’t explain the company’s structure. but Abby says there is likely someone who supervises the managers. Abby advises the employee and other affected coworkers to discuss the problem as a group with that supervisor to see whether some accommodation can be made. If nothing changes. Abby points to possible personal fixes like noise-canceling headphones—and then. if the situation can’t be corrected. the blunt option of looking for another job.

In another letter, the issue isn’t noise—it’s a quieter kind of imbalance that shows up every year. A reader says that for birthdays and holidays. their in-laws give cash gifts to their children and the spouses. with one pattern that feels consistent: the in-laws give their sons-in-law and daughters-in-law equal amounts—except for the writer. The reader says they always receive half the amount. They add that they don’t need the cash, but the repeated difference makes them feel “less valued.”.

The writer describes their own role in the family: they host all the family celebrations. they visit their in-laws weekly. and they help their husband with repairs and upkeep around the parents’ home. At the same time. the reader says the brothers-in-law and their spouses tend to offer their parents only limited time on holidays. and limited physical assistance only when their husband “begs” for help.

The reader says they have never told their husband because they don’t want to hurt his feelings—despite feeling the sting of the unequal treatment. Abby’s response doesn’t treat that sting as petty. Abby says it appears the in-laws don’t appreciate the writer’s efforts. and that the writer isn’t wrong to notice the discrepancy or to feel “less than” because that’s how they’re being treated.

Abby also pushes the reader toward honesty within the relationship. Abby says the writer should have mentioned the issue to their husband when it first started happening. since the gift-giving is supposed to be equal—and when it isn’t. “there is something wrong.” Abby ends by telling the writer that what they choose to do going forward—whether to keep helping to the same extent—is ultimately up to them.

The third letter is a different kind of emotional punch: confusion mixed with a risk of making the wrong moment worse. A reader says they received a strange thank-you note from a relative. The writer gave what they describe as a generous gift. Then. a year after the wedding. the reader says they received an acknowledgment thanking them for the gift and saying the relative was no longer married to “John. ” adding that she wasn’t being treated with the respect she deserved.

Now the reader wonders what to say when they see her in person. Abby’s advice is simple and careful: it might be better just to say, “It’s nice to see you. How are you doing?” and leave it at that.

Across the letters, Abby’s answers circle the same practical point: focus on what you can change, set boundaries when needed, and protect yourself from carrying more hurt than the moment requires.

Dear Abby workplace noise in-laws gifts family conflict daughter-in-law divorce note