In a new Dear Abby column, a reader grapples with a boss’s fiancé who intrudes on work and personal life, while another reader says she secretly fears miscarriage and may be experiencing prepartum depression.
Two letters, two very different worlds—and the same quiet pressure: when life changes, it can feel like no one is listening.
In the first, a reader writes that her boss blurs the line between work and personal life. She says she cares about her employer, but the job is stressful and the work comes first. The strain, she adds, intensified when her boss became engaged and brought her husband-to-be into the mix.
When the couple is together with coworkers. the reader says the fiancé is constantly on his cellphone or makes mean-spirited jabs at her husband over sports. She says the teasing is not just playful banter. It feels personal. especially because they can’t all cheer for the same team and they are very selective about what they talk about to avoid offending. She also describes political disagreement as part of the tension.
The reader says the situation worsened after a comment about their wedding guest list. She writes that he supposedly joked that the guest list was being cut in half and that her husband and she were not on it. She’s struggling to move past that remark, believing he doesn’t want them there.
She also reports a pattern of the fiancé inserting himself into details that aren’t his to manage—dictating what food they should have for her boss’s birthday. and telling them where to purchase gifts. She says she can make “a long list” of similar intrusions. As a result, she has distanced herself socially from her boss, describing the engagement as a “package deal.”.
The reader writes that it’s already hurting her friendship and possibly her job, while also worrying about her boss’s happiness.
Abby’s response is direct: the reader’s relationship with her employer is likely to change. But Abby says it doesn’t automatically mean the job is in jeopardy or that everything has to end.
Because the reader’s biggest fear centers on the guest list comment. Abby tells her to ask her employer whether what the fiancé said was true or whether he was only joking. Abby also warns that if the comment is real, others may step back from the couple too. If the reader believes her job is truly at risk. Abby says the time to start looking for another position may be now.
The second letter shifts to a deeply personal crisis inside a life that looks outwardly like progress. A reader writes that she is six weeks pregnant with her fourth child. She says it is the first pregnancy she is having in her second marriage. She notes her children from a previous marriage are all school-aged, and she just turned 40.
The reader writes that the pregnancy is also emotionally difficult in ways she didn’t expect. She says she’s struggling and that she didn’t imagine having a child at this age. She adds, with no softening, that she secretly hopes she has a miscarriage.
Her husband has told everyone about the pregnancy, including her children, who are excited about a new sibling. She describes herself as not emotionally or mentally OK with the prospect of becoming a mother again. Starting over with a baby, she says, feels daunting and heavy, and she feels she cannot handle it.
She also writes that her husband is excited, but he is not someone she can talk to about her feelings. She says she feels they are growing apart and that she has been putting her life on hold to give him this baby.
Abby’s response begins with a blunt acknowledgment: it’s a shame the reader married someone she cannot confide in. But Abby insists there is someone the reader can talk to who will understand.
Abby urges her to make an appointment to discuss what she’s feeling with her doctor now. Abby notes that postpartum depression is widely known. but says the turmoil described here may be connected to a condition that is less talked about—prepartum depression. Abby says a doctor may be able to provide the emotional support she needs.
Abigail Van Buren—also known as Jeanne Phillips—writes Dear Abby, which Abby says was founded by her mother, Pauline Phillips. The column also invites readers to contact Dear Abby at www.DearAbby.com or by mail at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069.
For those who want more. Abby lists an order option for “How to Write Letters for All Occasions. ” sending a name and mailing address along with a check or money order for $8 (U.S. funds) to Dear Abby — Letter Booklet, P.O. Box 446, Kings Mills, OH 45034-0446. The listing says shipping and handling are included in the price.
Dear Abby workplace boundaries wedding guest list pregnancy anxiety prepartum depression Abigail Van Buren Jeanne Phillips
Sounds like the fiance needs to get a life and stop acting like he runs the office.
I mean workplace drama is wild. But the wedding guest list thing… why would anybody say that out loud? also like, if he’s engaged does that make it his right to control the snacks???
Prepartum depression and miscarriage fear is scary, but I feel like people just want a headline and not actual help. idk if it said she should see a doctor or counselor or just write in. still, no one listens when you’re pregnant so that part checks out.
I’m confused though, Abby columns are always like “set boundaries” but how do you do that when it’s your boss’s whole wedding situation. The guest list got “cut in half”?? could be taken wrong, like maybe it was a joke, but then the phone thing and sports jabs… sounds like he’s just insecure or something. also selective about teams/politics is the dumbest reason to be hostile like just talk about weather lol.