money tips – Older Americans are navigating fixed incomes, divorce costs, scams, and awkward expectations over who pays—so AARP and other finance experts offer practical rules for safer, more comfortable date nights.
The message is simple when you’re sitting across from someone you barely know: it can be easy to misread them—until money shows up.
For older daters, that risk is sharper. Some Americans are doing well financially. while others are dealing with the financial fallout of divorce. supporting adult children. or carrying overextended mortgage debt. George Mannes. personal finance editor at AARP The Magazine. said age can make it harder to even guess where a potential partner’s finances stand—especially in a setting where trust is still being built.
AARP’s June-July issue includes a new report, “When Romance Meets Finance,” and draws on guidance from AARP, NerdWallet and other sources for seven money tips aimed at making dating less stressful and more scam-resistant.
Start with the one question that often lingers
Traditional courtship rules often assume the man pays on a first date, Mannes said. But older daters don’t have to follow the old scripts. They can set expectations directly—without turning the conversation into a test.
Mannes said it’s common to reach a point where “you can talk about money and expectations.” AARP columnist Lizzie Post, writing for AARP, recommended saying something like, “Please let it be my treat, regardless of how this works out,” if you prefer to pay.
If you’d rather split the bill, Post and AARP guidance emphasize saying so up front. Mannes said if you can’t talk about who should pay on the second date, “it’s probably not a good match.”
Then set guardrails before you spend
The cost of dating can add up quickly. A 2025 survey from BMO found the average American spends $168 per date. The spending gap shows up by age as well: Gen Z averages $194 per night out. millennials spend $191. Gen X spends $172. and boomers spend $127. BMO reports.
AARP recommends setting a dating budget—especially for retirees who often live on fixed income. Mannes said, “When you are on a limited income, it helps to budget almost anything in your life.”
If the budget is gone, AARP advises stopping dates for the month. Mannes said the same rule can help you “pace yourself in the dating pool.”
Keep it cute without turning it into a performance
A first date can carry an “expectation” that feels “heightened, and perhaps uncomfortable,” AARP reports. One way around that pressure is picking an outing that doesn’t require big spending.
AARP suggests low-cost options such as a local zoo. If there isn’t a zoo nearby, dating coach Bela Gandhi told AARP to think of “coffee shops, museums or bookstores.”
Mannes also tied the idea to budgeting. A monthly dating budget of $200, he said, might mean only one steakhouse dinner—but could support several coffeehouse outings.
Bring cash for practical reasons
AARP reports there are at least two good reasons to carry cash on a first date.
First, cash makes splitting a bill easier, especially when the other person is pushing to treat. Post described a response you can use if you’re uncomfortable: “I really appreciate that you want to treat me, but I’m not comfortable with that, so I’m going to leave $40 here.”
Second, cash can make it simpler to leave if the date isn’t going well.
Scams aren’t a side issue for older daters
For people over 60, scams are not hypothetical. The FBI reported that Americans over age 60 lost more than $7.7 billion to internet scams in 2025, with the average older victim losing more than $38,000.
AARP says the dating world is rife with potential scams. Pew Research reports that roughly half of online daters ages 50 and over have encountered a likely scam on a dating site or app.
Kimberly Palmer. a personal finance expert at NerdWallet. said scammers often target people who have likely accumulated retirement savings: “Dating sites can be risky for people of all ages. and particularly older adults. because scammers often target people who are likely to have accumulated retirement savings.”.
AARP lists steps to guard against dating scams, including verifying the prospective partner’s identity by searching their name online or running a “reverse” image search on a photo.
It also urges attention to red flags. Mannes said, “Any request for money for any reason before you meet is a huge red flag.” He added, “Also, any refusal to meet in person is a huge red flag.”
And don’t let fear force oversharing
AARP advises daters not to feel obliged to talk about money at the wrong moment. If someone asks a money question on a date that feels too personal, you don’t have to answer. Mannes suggested a simple counter: “Why do you want to know?”
At the same time, AARP urges older daters to watch for odd financial behavior from a companion. If someone pays for everything in cash, for example, it could reflect financial discipline—or it could be a sign of really bad credit.
The goal is balance, not suspicion
Money savvy matters, AARP says, but it also cautions against assuming the worst after just one or two dates.
Avoid labeling someone as cheap or profligate after limited information. Instead, AARP recommends taking time to understand what they have gone through in their financial life.
Mannes said it plainly: “It’s not like everybody in the world is going after your money.” He added that some people may be on the dating site “because they’re looking for love.”
The sequence of practical rules is meant to do two things at once—make plans safer while keeping the focus where it belongs: on getting to know a person, not managing the fear of money.
older daters dating money tips AARP George Mannes Lizzie Post NerdWallet FBI internet scams 2025 Pew Research online dating scams budgeting for dating dating scam red flags
So basically older people need rules now? idk
I just don’t get why you’d ask about money on a date. Like if they wanted a scammer, they could just lie anyway. But sure, “please let it be my treat” sounds kinda awkward.
Wait… does it say to not pay on the first date unless you’re a “good match”? That seems messed up. My cousin got divorced and now she’s terrified to date at all, and this article is like “talk about money” like that fixes it. Also scams are already out there, so I’m confused how asking who pays stops anything.
“If you can’t talk about who should pay on the second date, it’s probably not a good match” — man that’s wild. I feel like people are acting like a spreadsheet is foreplay. But maybe it’s smart? Either way, $168 average spent… sounds like a lot for just going out, unless these older daters are doing dinner every single time.