“Where Am I Going? And What’s Next?”: Nicole Kidman Is Keeping Her Heart Open
Quietly, last September, Kidman filed for divorce from her second husband Keith Urban in Nashville. By January matters were complete: irreconcilable differences; shared custody; no spousal support required by either party and no one had to go to court. She’s not going into the particulars but she’s processing. “I’ve approached my whole life like that,” she says of her “feelings first” approach, be it professional or domestic. “That’s just who I am. I don’t overthink things and I’m probably not that analytical. I’m far more feeling-centred and I lead with my heart. I just go, ‘OK, what do I feel here? I’ll give it a go.’ It throws people, because I think they think I’ll be far more measured and I’m not.”
“I can still approach things intellectually,” she continues, smiling, “but my desire is not to be ruled by my head. I’ve always wanted to live a well-examined life, so what does that entail? Trying things, making mistakes, failing, getting back up, moving on, embracing love, staying open, keeping the heart open and the possibilities.” This has, she allows, not been the easiest year. “But at the same time I’m like, ‘OK, I didn’t expect this. I had a different view of what my life was going to be, but this is what it is now.’ You make all these plans and you have all these ideas of what it’s all going to be like and then it’s… not. You have to adjust. You adapt. The future, it’s completely unknown to me right now.” She pauses, takes a sip of her coffee. “Strange.”
Is it scary too, I venture? “There was a point where I was very fearful and deeply vulnerable,” she replies, “which is exposing. And then at the same time [I’m] going, “Well, I can either really not confront it and just curl up, or I can just go forward with an enormous amount of hope.”
It’s worth noting how measured, light-filled almost, her tone is. “It requires time and I have had so many older women in my life who are incredible mentors,” she says. “I had my mother and then I have another woman who sort of helped raise me since I was 16. Part of the way they approach life was sometimes [to say to me]: ‘Nicole, you just got to take it on the chin.’ Once you accept that, instead of going, ‘Well that’s not fair or it’s unjust,’ you go, ‘Well, yes, actually it isn’t fair. Because things are not fair.’” She smiles again. “I know my character. I know my talent. I know who I am. If I make a mistake and it doesn’t connect, or something goes wrong in my life where it’s humiliating, it’s OK. Other people have had that and that’s OK. Take the onus off it.”