I tried Tesco’s top meal deal—eggs turned my stomach

Meal deals are a cornerstone of British culture. The combinations are virtually limitless, and entire online communities have sprung up around them. People share their favourite selections to be judged by their fellow enthusiasts, and countless tradespeople, office workers and more rely on these brilliantly affordable and satisfying lunches to carry them through their midday break. Meal deals comprise a main, which can range from sushi to pasta salad or a classic sandwich, alongside a side, which might be a fruit pot, a yoghurt, or

a packet of crisps, and a drink. I decided to delve into the available data for the UK and discover which meal deal combinations Brits favour most, then sample them for myself. If they’re the most popular choices, they must be rather good, right? According to the latest figures from Tesco, their most sought-after meal combination across the UK is the Chicken Club Sandwich, the Egg Protein Pot and a Red Bull. Despite the vast array of options on offer, the nation’s most beloved side

is two hard-boiled eggs that have been sitting in a plastic pot in the supermarket fridge for what can only be described as an indeterminate amount of time. I ventured out during my lunch break to acquire this protein-packed, energy-boosting meal and discover what all the commotion is about. Having lived in the UK for two years, I’m certainly familiar with meal deals. Nevertheless, the appearance of those two pallid eggs sitting in their plastic tomb beneath the unforgiving fluorescent lighting of my local Tesco

has always made my skin crawl. Never in my wildest dreams did I imagine I would ever need to eat them, but here we are – today was that day. The eggs were submerged in roughly half a centimetre of greyish eggy liquid which immediately made me queasy. The sandwich I selected needed to be as moisture-free as possible to counterbalance the peculiar egg dampness, so I examined each Chicken Club meticulously. One where mayonnaise was oozing from every gap was rejected, as was another

where the tomato had escaped the confines of the bread and spread across the crust rendering it sodden. My third selection appeared sufficiently dry, so with my Red Bull in hand I made my way to the checkout to settle up and appear confident. Once I’d returned home I opted to tackle the most daunting element of my lunch first – the eggs. The plastic wrapping was slightly distended and when I peeled it back it released a waft of sulphurous air. I committed the

error of lifting the eggs to my nose for a swift smell check and immediately wished I hadn’t. The stench radiating from these eggs ought to be classed as a war crime, and anyone who has ever consumed them in the office deserves to face justice at the Hague. The peculiar egg liquid dripped onto my hand and a tear rolled down my cheek as I took my first mouthful. Given the odour, I had anticipated the egg would be boiled to death and possess

that strange greenish-grey tinge that overcooked eggs acquire, but it was actually a pleasant yellow. The texture was grainy. The taste was farts. I managed one bite, then carried the eggs into the kitchen to offer to my friend. “That upsets me” was her reaction when I attempted to pass the eggs to her. I discarded them in the bin. By comparison, the Chicken Club was like a free holiday in Greece. I never imagined a basic chicken sandwich could deliver such happiness, but anything

capable of removing the egg flavour from my mouth would be most welcome. It was fresh, nicely seasoned and not overly soggy. My sole complaint is that six slices of bread for lunch, accompanied by chicken, tomato, lettuce, cheese and bacon is perhaps a touch excessive – though it’s a minor complaint. I nearly polished off the sandwich, but was defeated right at the end when I bit into a piece of chicken that was suspiciously grainy. The final corner of my sandwich was also

consigned to the bin, atop the eggs. The egg flavour was still lingering and if I exhaled through my nose I could still detect the stench of sulphur. If there’s one thing that’s going to eliminate any remaining taste, it’s the chemical-laden, sugar-packed Red Bull that constituted the final challenge of my lunch. While Red Bull has never been a particular favourite of mine, this one was like ambrosia. It was sweet, delicious, and the 52,398 mg of caffeine straight to my bloodstream made typing

up this review remarkably effortless. I have a genuine appreciation for the meal deal culture — however, if I ever encounter one of those egg pots again, it will be far too soon. From this point forward, I’ll be sticking firmly to a packet of crisps.

Tesco, meal deal, Chicken Club Sandwich, Egg Protein Pot, Red Bull, UK food review