I’M A NEW MUM AND FINDING IT REALLY HARD TO COPE I really looked forward to being a mother , but three months in I feel it’s all a big mistake. I am permanently exhausted and feel that my life has been completely upended. My mind is all over the place too. One moment I love my baby and think she’s the most gorgeous thing ever, and the next I resent her for wrecking my life. There’s no room in my life now for fun
or friends, my daughter keeps me busy all day and night. I seem to exist simply as a walking milk dispenser and nappy mechanic, and there always seems to be another job that needs doing. At other times I look at my baby and realise that I am so lucky. Why do my moods swing like this? A couple of days ago I really lost it when my partner came in from work and queried why I hadn’t eaten the lunch he’d prepared for me.
I’m sure he was only trying to be helpful, but I screamed at him and then burst into tears. When I eventually stopped crying, I could see that he was still worried about me. I hate the way I feel and the atmosphere I’m creating in the flat. I also feel like such a failure. Will it always be like this? What’s wrong with me? Do I have to just grit my teeth and carry on? JENNIFER SAYS You’re overwhelmed, exhausted and right in thick
of one of the biggest adjustments a person can go though. Few, if any, first-time mothers are prepared for the emotional and physical changes that having a baby brings. And three months in is often when the reality can really hit home, as sleep deprivation piles up and the novelty factor wears off. It’s also likely your body’s hormone levels are still in the process of settling and this can produce some big swings in emotions, as you’ve found. It’s important to remember that loving
your baby and resenting her for the upheaval she’s caused are not opposites, feelings like this can, and do, often exist side by side. Thankfully, for most women, these feelings eventually pass as hormone levels return to normal. I’m sure that, in time, you’ll find yourself better able to cope as you become more confident as a mother and your daughter becomes less dependent and demanding. However, sometimes these feelings can persist and this might indicate postnatal depression, so please don’t just “grit your teeth
and try to carry on” if this goes on for much longer. Talk with your health visitor or GP and be honest about how you’re feeling. They may not suggest treatment but, either way, you might still find it useful. In the meantime, lower the bar – you don’t need to be perfect nor get every job done immediately. Rest when you can and don’t be afraid to ask friends and family for help if needed; it does sound as if your partner is trying
to be supportive if he made you lunch, even if you didn’t eat it. Finally, I’m sure you haven’t made a mistake nor are you a failure, you’re just having a very human reaction to a life-changing upheaval. Want to see more of the stories you love from RSVP ? To add RSVP as a preferred source of news on Google, simply click here
new mum, postpartum, exhaustion, mood swings, partner support, postnatal depression, health visitor, GP, hormones, three months after birth