Jenny Mollen’s grief reveals hard shift for parents

Jenny Mollen’s – Actress and author Jenny Mollen said she felt “anticipatory grief” as her 12-year-old son began texting girls, a moment she described as emotionally difficult. Psychologists and a licensed therapist say what many parents experience during early dating interest

The first time a parent realizes their child is starting to turn toward other people can feel strangely like loss.

Jenny Mollen, the actress and author who has shared two sons—Sid, 12, and Lazlo, 8—with her actor and ex-husband Jason Biggs, didn’t frame it that way at first. She framed it as discomfort, and then grief.

In a Substack essay titled “Please. Stay. I want you. I need you. Oh, God,” Mollen wrote about the moment her eldest son began showing interest in girls and began texting them. She described the experience as emotionally difficult and marked by what she called “anticipatory grief.”

Her essay also included a line that drew immediate attention: “Call me old-fashioned, but I only want my sons to marry women with dead mothers.” She added that this was “my only shot at staying relevant, of seeming useful and of winning by comparison.”

Some of the backlash was less about dating and more about what parents should share publicly. Mollen faced criticism after posting photos of herself and her eldest son embracing on a bed, with some social media users questioning whether moments like that should be shared online.

What Mollen described, experts said, is a stage many people don’t talk about directly—because the spotlight usually lands on the child.

Dr. Lauren Mahoney, a psychologist at Authentically Living Psychological Services, PLLC, said parents aren’t just witnessing adolescent development. They’re also entering “a new stage of parenthood” at the same time.

“When a child begins showing interest in dating, parents are not simply witnessing their child enter a new developmental stage,” Mahoney said. “They are entering a new stage of parenthood themselves.”

She said parents may expect to feel worried, but are sometimes surprised to experience grief. Not because something is wrong, but because their child is growing up and becoming more independent.

“Sometimes, what unsettles parents is not the dating itself, it is the realization that their child is beginning to make choices independently of them,” Mahoney said. “For many parents, that is the first tangible reminder that influence and control are not the same thing.”

Anna Elton, a licensed marriage and family therapist and clinical sexologist, said the transition can land like a turning point. She described it as the “first breakup” of parenting.

“Nothing is actually ending, but the relationship is changing,” Elton said. “During adolescence. healthy development requires children to gradually shift some of that emotional energy toward building an identity outside the family. This process can feel bittersweet, particularly for parents who have been involved and emotionally connected.”.

There’s another pressure layered on top of that emotional shift: modern boundaries.

Elton said the questions aren’t only about what parents feel. but about how closeness is managed in an era where family moments are frequently shared online. She said healthy closeness involves affection, warmth, emotional availability, guidance and support. When boundaries blur. she said. it can happen when a parent struggles to tolerate a child’s growing independence or relies on the child for emotional fulfillment.

Research on adolescent development. Elton said. suggests young people benefit most when parents balance connection with autonomy—remaining present without limiting independence. Studies on adolescent romantic relationships have found that around one-third of teens have been in a romantic relationship. and researchers have linked early experiences to skills that carry into adulthood. including communication. self-expression and emotional understanding.

For parents navigating this stage, Elton said the goal isn’t to withdraw. It’s to adapt. She described it as holding children close enough to feel secure, while letting them become who they are and explore the world—“while knowing they always have a safe place to return to.”

Mahoney offered a related reassurance: separation isn’t rejection.

“When adolescents seek greater independence, it is usually a sign that they are progressing through a healthy developmental process, not pulling away from the relationship,” she said.

She encouraged parents to focus on their own growth as their children expand theirs—continuing to develop their identities, interests and relationships.

“Perhaps the most reassuring message for parents is this: when your child begins turning toward the world, it does not mean they need you less,” Mahoney said. “It means they are growing exactly as they are supposed to. The relationship is not ending, it is evolving and it is okay.”

Jenny Mollen Jason Biggs parenting adolescent development dating anticipatory grief boundaries psychology family life