I tried – A parenting blogger tried the “1990s butter mom” trend for a month—leaning into cooking, 90s fashion, and less time on her phone. The experiment felt calmer in small ways, but it also exposed how social media can idealize parenting and hide the effort and mess
The first thing that pulled her in was the look: mothers in distressed denim whipping up snacks, framed like a warm, grainy memory from another decade. Then came the lifestyle pitch—less stress, more slowness, whole ingredients, and kids who seemed to be enjoying it all.
On her Instagram feed. the videos were labeled as a parenting trend called the “1990s butter mom.” The author. who describes her own approach as a tired mother doing her best. said she felt “enthralled” by the idea. She wasn’t starting from a place of confidence. Her daily reality. she wrote. is mostly gentle and laid-back. with flashes of Type-A organization where she tries to set boundaries. She loves her kids. but often feels overstimulated and overwhelmed. as if—despite her efforts—she’s not doing it right.
So she tried it for a month.
She leaned into the kitchen, and she also discovered the limits of a fantasy
“Butter moms” are described as wholesome and kind, with an aesthetic built around flowing fabrics, scrunchies, and cluttered kitchens. The author tried to adopt that tone by spending more time cooking.
The trend itself is positioned as an antithesis to “almond moms,” a label associated with restrictive relationships with food and passing those restrictions to children. Butter moms, in contrast, are said to enjoy cooking and eating, focusing on nourishment and whole ingredients like butter.
But her home life did not turn into a montage.
She said her kids “often only want to eat specific things. ” so her attempts at home-cooked meals were mostly enjoyed by her. She made a wholesome lasagna or a vegetable dish—then still had to cook separate food her children would eat. After that, she “gave up” on trying to make their meals match her ideals and returned to their usual routine.
When she tried baking with them, she ended up exhausted, with “expensive ingredients all over the kitchen.” She and her children did find one compromise: they enjoyed making cookies together using store-bought dough.
Even with the setbacks, the author said she did love the time itself—cooking more and spending more time outside gardening. She also embraced 90s fashion, including dungarees, chunky trainers, and oversized shirts.
That shift—more hands-on time, less performance—was the first real win.
Next came the phone: she tried to reduce screen time, then hit a wall of her own
Even though it’s a social media trend, butter moms are typically framed as women who remember what life was like before the internet—more present in real life and less absorbed by phones.
Taking that idea seriously, she decided to put her phone away after picking up her kids from school. She called it a “big change,” because for her, that window is usually exactly when she reaches for her device. Once her kids are home. she said. she can’t really get work done—so she has often picked up her phone and claimed to be working while she scrolls.
This time, she didn’t always succeed in staying off her phone. Still, she said she felt she had more time to play with, talk to, and hang out with her children.
What didn’t fit was the idea of a clean, easy no-screens policy.
She found it “trickier” to enforce that rule for her children, who love playing games and watching TV. In response, she leaned into the “inner relaxed butter mom” again and didn’t beat herself up. She tried to remember her own childhood, when a lot of time was spent watching TV and videos on repeat. Back then, screen time wasn’t seen as a major problem, and even “90s kids” liked watching stuff on screens.
The message she took away wasn’t that screens are evil—it was that guilt and perfection aren’t the point.
The hardest part wasn’t the trend—it was the pressure she felt trying to match it
Butter moms also reject hustle culture, embracing a slower lifestyle that aligns with the work-life balance many people say they want.
She tried to stop working and parenting at the same time—especially during the pinch point after school. Because she is self-employed. she said she has tried to take on less work and plan her days so she can be with her family. She stressed. though. that she’s working in 2026. not 1996. and sometimes she still has to answer an email or work message when her kids are around.
Even with those real-world interruptions, putting her laptop away when she could helped her feel less overstimulated.
Her conclusion wasn’t that the trend “worked” in the simple way social media often implies. Instead. she wrote that the charm of butter moms is how it gives modern parents a way to “reparent ourselves.” It pulls from nostalgia and offers a blueprint for soft. kind. calm parenting. It’s also, she said, a reminder to let go of some of the pressure people place on themselves.
But she added a second layer: the butter mom trend also reminded her that you can embrace joy and pleasure in parenting without sliding into toxic positivity.
What stayed with her after the month was the gap between the feed and real life
She said she’ll keep embracing some elements of butter moms—especially the fashion and trying to be more present. But she also insists parenting today isn’t the same as 30 years ago. “Some things are easier, and some are not,” she wrote, “some are just different.”
She ended with a sharper point: she believes parents in the 90s had their own worries and weren’t always relaxed—it’s just that those parts of motherhood don’t show up in the idealized version of parenting shared online.
Remembering that, she said, is the lesson worth taking away.
butter mom trend 1990s parenting social media idealization screen time work-life balance self-employed parent 90s fashion Instagram parenting