As the oldest of five children, I’ve always seen things through. I’ve been the responsible one, the one who gets it done, and, most importantly, a self-imposed people-pleaser. These are just a few of the reasons it was so hard to quit a job that I devoted a decade to.
As a freelance writer, it’s sometimes hard to find work, let alone steady work. I knew I could count on this position, but I also knew my mental health was being affected by it. There was less structure than what I preferred, and it just wasn’t a good fit for me or the way I prefer to work, which includes plenty of routine, organization, and feedback.
It took me some time to come to a decision
I stuck it out for a while, constantly weighing whether to quit or stay. Staying meant a consistent income, continuing to contribute to my household, and having financial security (or as much as freelancing can give!). Quitting meant no financial security, and given my people-pleasing nature, I was terrified of leaving my other coworkers.
I was even more scared of what future employers would think about my decision. To quit or not to quit was a question I pondered for over a year. Since I was so indecisive and constantly worried about this choice, I knew my mental health was suffering. I was worried all the time, I had insomnia, gastrointestinal issues, and my often anxiety-induced epilepsy had reared its ugly head.
Finally, my husband and I talked, and he mentioned how he had been observing how upset I was. Earlier in the year, we had decided I’d stick it out until I found other work with similar pay. I had yet to find that other work, though, which made my decision even more nerve-racking. During our conversation, my husband talked about how he would support me if I quit, and we’d figure things out as we always did. He just wanted to see me happy and less stressed. That was very reassuring, but my perfectionism continued to rear its ugly head.
My husband said he’d supported my decision, and a therapy session solidified it
During a late May therapy session, I was discussing this yet-to-be-determined decision. My therapist saw how exasperated I was and simply and bluntly asked: “What is keeping you there?” She also reminded me that people leave jobs all the time for many reasons, and there was no reason to worry. It was a total lightbulb moment. I decided then and there that I was going to quit. The very next week, I left the organization.
It was a scary, yet oddly refreshing feeling. I felt free and excited for the next chapter. A tradition my husband has kept up for years is handwritten letters to me on my birthday and our anniversary. A lot of my July birthday letter talked about how he knew my decision wasn’t easy, but he was proud that I did it. He said quitting was a brave thing to do, and he loved me even more for doing it.
After quitting, I’ve been happier and have had opportunities come my way
Since I left the organization, I have had so many opportunities come my way. Naturally, most of my worries have dissipated, even though there is still some financial uncertainty as I finish out the year. Family and friends have said I sound lighter and happier. I’ve been writing regularly for a few publications, and now I have more time to pitch publications and search for jobs.
My decision was the best idea for me, as it helped with my mental health and made me more inspired and excited for what’s to come than ever before. It also reiterated how my husband and I are a team, and sometimes when one of us is down, the other steps up, and vice versa. All in all, the phrase “you got this” was something I repeated multiple times throughout this process. Now, I’m looking forward to whatever comes next.