Freelancer’s Tokyo doubts: visas, burnout, next move

burnout and – At 22, Laura Pollacco moved from England to Japan through the JET Program and felt depression lift. At 31, living in Tokyo and more secure than ever, she says depression is returning—this time shaped by burnout, limited Japanese fluency, annual visa renewals,

At 22. heartbroken and depressed. Laura Pollacco packed up her life in England and moved to Japan. chasing novelty and adventure because the future felt vast and uncertain. Now 31. living in Tokyo and feeling more secure than she’s ever been in adulthood. she describes a different kind of pressure creeping back in—the kind that makes her consider packing her bags once more.

In the early 20s, turning her life upside down felt exciting. In her 30s, she says it has started to feel indecisive.

In 2016. Pollacco graduated with a degree in fashion photography and worked three part-time jobs in her university town to scrape by while she tried—and struggled—to recover from intense heartbreak. She says her hobbies. including theater and kung fu. “had lost their shine. ” and that her sense of direction felt uncertain. Wanting a fresh slate, she began personally elected studies into Japanese fashion and aesthetics.

Japan captured her attention in a way that stayed. Her dissertation was titled “The rise of gender neutrality and its origins in Japanese design.” She also visited a friend studying abroad in Japan in 2015. calling the trip “brief but fantastic” and admitting that it left her thinking—somewhat naively—“I could live here.”.

A year later, she says that thought resurfaced during her depressed state and became the focus she couldn’t shake.

She didn’t frame the move as impulsive. She applied to and was accepted into the JET Program, an organization that recruits thousands of graduates to teach English. Instead of being placed at a traditional school. she was based at an education center in Kanagawa. about an hour from Tokyo. with occasional assignments at local high schools.

Pollacco threw herself into adapting—learning the rhythms of a new culture. working on her basic Japanese skills. and exploring her new environment. With each mountain climb. temple visit. and ramen bowl. she says “the blanket of depression” began to fall from her shoulders. She pushed herself back into life through new hobbies, including MMA, kendo, and ikebana, while reviving older passions like drama. She describes that period as feeling “reborn,” saying Japan had rekindled her passion for life.

After teaching, Pollacco left Japan with the goal of returning to where she believed she was before the depressive episode.

Back in Europe, plans unraveled. She returned to the UK, only for the pandemic to cut across the plans she says were well-laid. She says being back in the UK meant questioning her decisions—especially leaving Japan—while being trapped inside like most of the country.

Pollacco says she had stronger connections in Tokyo’s creative circles than in the UK. and that she had support in Japan. She also pointed to the cost of living as “considerably lower.” She decided to move back again. this time describing it as an effort rooted in hope and ambition rather than depression.

In 2022, she returned on a working holiday visa, juggling remote freelance writing gigs while pitching to local publications. She says she pushed hard until her working holiday visa came to an end, and that she then had enough work behind her to switch to the journalism visa in 2023.

Despite expanding her client list and gaining experience, she says her original fire began to flicker, then sputter. More recently, she describes feeling burned out—fatigued, losing interest in hobbies, wanting to be left alone, and self-flagellating about what she calls “settling” in her career.

The pressure has also affected her relationship life. She describes her loving fiancé—someone she met in Japan—becoming worried enough to offer to cover the cost of online therapy. During those sessions. she says she realized that. for the first time since moving back to Japan. she was starting to feel homesick.

Living as a foreigner in Japan, she says, comes with strains she didn’t fully outrun this time. While she speaks enough Japanese to get by, she describes not speaking fluent Japanese as exhausting. For her, immigration’s “restrictive boxes” feel like a choking dog collar pulling her back from new opportunities. She also mentions the “new gray hairs” that come with every annual visa renewal.

On top of the daily friction. Pollacco says she has felt a rise of anti-foreigner sentiment. and that Tokyo’s environment is starting to feel claustrophobic and repressive. In recent months. she says her mind has flooded with ideas of returning to the pastoral days of her youth—stone cottages with actual gardens. walks down country paths with a dog by her side. and fully understanding what’s being said to her during a doctor’s visit.

But she’s not sure what the desire really means. She can’t tell whether she truly wants to return to England—or whether she’s trying to escape back into a childhood where responsibilities were minimal.

She’s spent years building a life in Japan. and she says she doesn’t know whether to push through what could be a low period and wait to get to the other side. or whether her gut is trying to tell her something. For decisions as big as where to belong. she says she expects she’ll only find out whether it was right after it’s already happened.

She ends with a hope tied to her partner: whatever she and her fiancé choose next, they will make the best of that decision.

Japan Tokyo JET Program working holiday visa journalism visa freelancing burnout depression therapy immigration anti-foreigner sentiment