Dear Abby letters surface workplace hostility and heartbreak

Two readers write to Dear Abby describing pain that spills beyond private life: one says a longtime co-worker is undermining her at work, and another says her boyfriend is still struggling after she cheated months ago. Abigail Van Buren urges documentation and

A 17-year career can still feel like it’s on the edge when someone decides they no longer want you in their orbit.

In a letter to Dear Abby. a reader describes working at the same company for 17 years and being the youngest person in her department. She says she has always loved her job and the people around her, including a co-worker she once considered close. The two reportedly shared a friendship built around their children: their kids were the same age. they played sports together. and they exchanged birthday invitations.

But she writes that, in recent years, everything changed. The co-worker’s attitude toward her is different. and the reader says that “every chance she gets” she undermines her at work. Instead of talking directly. the reader says the co-worker makes assumptions. tattles to her supervisor and boss. and even leaves her out in emails when coworkers are chipping in for a card and money for the supervisor’s Christmas gift.

The reader also alleges that when she makes mistakes. the co-worker emails the boss and supervisor about them rather than coming to her. She says she met with the co-worker and her supervisor and boss. but that the meeting was used to undermine her on other job duties the co-worker had no experience in. The strain. she adds. has spilled into family life too: the co-worker allegedly said nasty things about her to her son. who then repeated those remarks to the reader’s son at school.

“I’m at my wits’ end here,” the reader writes.

In her reply. Abigail Van Buren says the shift in a friendship can loosen as children grow older. but what the reader describes goes further. Van Buren characterizes the co-worker’s behavior as more than awkwardness. writing that it sounds like the co-worker “seems to have it in for you — and appears determined to get you fired.” Her advice centers on practical steps: document “every single dirty deed” and present it to the reader’s boss. telling them the behavior has been creating a hostile work environment and that the reader hopes it can be stopped. If it can’t, Van Buren urges the reader to speak with an attorney.

In a second letter, heartbreak and dependence weigh just as heavily, described in a more private register but with similarly urgent timing.

A reader identifies herself as 23 and says she’s been with her boyfriend for six years. She and her boyfriend currently live with his parents. She writes that a year ago she cheated and told him about it a few months ago. She says she and her boyfriend have tried to rebuild their relationship, including spending time at church together.

But she describes how slowly trust is returning, if it is returning at all. She says she has spent more than $1,000 on therapy and doesn’t know what else to do. Her boyfriend, she says, tells her he needs time to heal. Yet she writes that six months have passed and that he no longer even calls her “Love.”.

The reader also paints a life constrained by circumstances. She says she has no family where she lives, and moving out is too expensive. She’s finishing school there. and her goal is to move to North Carolina. but she says she doesn’t see it happening anytime soon because he’s committed to staying where they are for law school.

She adds that she loves him and wants to get married and have kids soon, but she also doesn’t want to start over or cause more hurt. “What would you do?” she asks.

Van Buren’s response emphasizes the need for separation between her feelings and what she needs from him right now. She tells the reader it’s time to move out so she can separate dependence and affection. Van Buren says the reader wounded her boyfriend deeply. and that the wound isn’t going to heal if she keeps pressuring him.

“It’s up to him now to decide whether to forgive you. ” Van Buren writes. but she tells her to give him the space to make that decision. She also reframes the future: because the reader wants children “soon. ” Van Buren says the reality is that the reader will have to “start over” either way—whether that happens with him or someone else.

Van Buren. who is also known as Jeanne Phillips. writes under the Dear Abby column founded by her mother. Pauline Phillips. The letters arrive as a reminder that for some people. the consequences of betrayal—whether in a workplace or a relationship—don’t stay contained to the moment they happen. In both cases. the path forward is described not as a single conversation. but as documentation. boundaries. and the hard space where healing either begins or doesn’t.

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