In two Dear Abby letters, a woman in Washington wrestles with a years-long estrangement from her adult daughter and the cost it’s taken on family relationships, while another reader in her 70s warns that retirement dreams can collide with the lifelong demands
A woman writing from Washington says she and her only daughter once “got along pretty well” — until her daughter stopped visiting or speaking to the family for six to eight years. During that stretch, the writer says she and her husband didn’t see their grandchildren or her son-in-law.
Then, suddenly, her daughter responded on Facebook. But she still refuses to explain what caused the rupture.
The writer says the long silence makes any attempt to talk feel impossible. because so much has changed in the interim that conversations now feel like she’s “speaking to a stranger.” She adds that she resents the situation deeply. even as she tries to appear fine. warning that if she doesn’t. communication could stop again.
As she nears the end of her life. the writer says she doesn’t want her daughter to be present at what she calls a “deathbed. ” even “whenever that might be.” Her concern is not only emotional; she says the only thing she would want to know then is “why” — and she believes her daughter will never tell her.
The estrangement, she adds, also damaged her relationship with her three granddaughters. She says she doesn’t want to see her daughter at all, believing that if her daughter didn’t want any part of her for all those years, she shouldn’t now be satisfied with “lip service.”
When that time comes, she says, she wants to surround herself with people who “truly loved and cared” about her. She says she’s struggling to make her son and her best friend understand that what she wants is peace, not reconciliation at any cost.
Dear Abby’s reply urges the writer to be direct: tell her son and best friend that she stays in touch with her daughter only because she loves her granddaughters and doesn’t want to be further estranged from them. It also advises explaining that when her time comes. she wants people at her side who showed her love — adding that this does not include a daughter who “iced you out” for years without explanation. The response closes by suggesting the daughter is unlikely to show up. based on the writer’s description of what happened.
In a separate letter, another reader offers a different kind of warning: before taking on a dog, think about what happens when you’re older, when your body slows down, or when travel plans don’t line up with caregiving reality.
The writer and her husband are in their 70s and currently caring for an elderly dog. She says they adopted a puppy 13 years ago and assumed that if things went wrong, one of their three children would be able to take the dog. But, she writes, “for various practical reasons,” the children can’t.
Now the couple is left with the daily work. She describes the physical strain directly, saying she has to take “Skip” out in the rain and snow, risking “life and limb” — both his and hers — four times a day.
She also says traveling, something she and her husband hoped to do in retirement, is difficult to arrange. Her advice to other readers is blunt: think twice. The dog depends on them to care for him until he arrives at the “Rainbow Bridge.”
Dear Abby responds by affirming the bond and acknowledging the hardship that advanced age brings to both the person and the animal. The reply emphasizes that people of all ages take pets in without fully weighing long-term responsibilities — and calls skipping that planning unfair to the animal.
The letters land with a shared undertone: whether it’s family relationships strained by years of silence, or a companion animal depending on someone’s hands long after retirement begins, the choices people make — and the explanations they don’t get — can echo for a very long time.
Dear Abby estranged daughter grandchildren Washington aging pets dog care Rainbow Bridge Abigail Van Buren Jeanne Phillips