Dear Abby Columns Spark Marriage, Money, Lunchroom Tensions

Dear Abby – A newlywed wife describes an abrupt personality shift in her husband, a divorced father is told he may need to pay for friends at his daughter’s wedding, and a co-worker’s daily sardine routine turns lunch breaks into a smell dispute—prompting Abby advice on b

On paper, it sounded like a promise. In practice, it felt like a switch flipped the day the marriage happened.

A reader identified as “Confounded in Oregon” wrote that she dated a man for a year. fell in love. and entered discussions before committing to marriage—talking through respect and what she expected from a life partner. She described him as sweet. loving. and kind. but said the change after the wedding was “instantaneous. ” “severe. ” and unlike the person she believed she was marrying. In her account, he became argumentative, petty, and a bully. She said she feels she has been lied to and asked what happened.

Abby’s reply pointed to the initial courtship as the place where the most careful presentation likely happened. What the husband showed during the dating period, Abby wrote, was his “best foot forward,” concealing who he really is. Abby urged the reader to act decisively if the husband she sees now isn’t someone she would have married—saying she should end the emotional abuse and bullying. The letter writer was advised to ensure he can’t hide assets she may be entitled to. and to talk to a lawyer about freeing herself from the marriage to a stranger.

Not every family problem starts with betrayal. Some start with a wedding timeline—and a bill.

“Disappointed Dad in New Jersey” wrote that he is a divorced father of a 27-year-old daughter. He said he learned only recently that she is being married in four months. He told her he would be happy to chip in even though he isn’t rich. When he asked whether he could invite a few friends and their spouses. he was told he could—but that he would have to pay for their plates. He said he was shocked, and asked what to do or say.

Abby responded by framing the situation around the wedding’s decision-makers. The bride. described as the “happy bride. ” sets the rules—especially since the father found out after plans were already set. Abby said the father was generous to offer help with wedding expenses. but if he wants to include friends. he will have to pay the additional cost of feeding them. The advice also suggested that his contribution could be earmarked to cover that added expense.

Then there was the lunchroom conflict, the kind that doesn’t make headlines—until it turns the workday into something you can’t ignore.

“Smells Fishy in Iowa” wrote about a co-worker who eats canned sardines directly on top of his salad every day. The reader acknowledged the sardines may be high in protein and considered healthy, but said they stink. The co-worker already covers the salad with red onion and balsamic vinegar. and the smell. the writer said. “almost takes” him out. The complaint went further: the co-worker allegedly slurps the remaining oil after finishing the salad.

Abby advised the reader to avoid the situation if possible—asking where the food is eaten and whether there is any way to distance himself from the smell or adjust lunch breaks to stagger away from the routine. If avoidance isn’t possible. Abby suggested he rally support from other co-workers who feel the same. then approach a supervisor or human resources. The letter writer was encouraged to ask for a rule about strong-smelling foods in shared spaces. arguing HR should be able to find a compromise that allows everyone to enjoy lunch.

The column was written by Abigail Van Buren. also known as Jeanne Phillips. and was founded by her mother. Pauline Phillips. Dear Abby says readers can contact it at www.DearAbby.com or by mail at P.O. Box 69440, Los Angeles, CA 90069. It also offers a booklet called “How to Write Letters for All Occasions. ” with an order address listed as Dear Abby — Letter Booklet. P.O. Box 446, Kings Mills, OH 45034-0446, and a stated price of $8, including shipping and handling.

Dear Abby Abigail Van Buren marriage advice divorce wedding costs workplace lunch rules sardines HR