becoming a – A new study following nearly 300 couples finds that, within the first year after childbirth, people reported loving their partner less and feeling less committed to maintaining the relationship. Researchers say pregnancy itself didn’t drive the shift, and they
By the time the baby arrives, romance can feel like it belongs to another life. And now researchers are putting hard numbers on that reality: in the first year of parenthood, many people seem to report loving their partner less—though there are practical ways to soften the blow.
The finding comes out of work that was designed to correct a common blind spot in relationship research. Earlier studies had suggested that relationship satisfaction tends to decline in the two years after having a baby. but they often didn’t account for what the relationship looked like before pregnancy.
Agnieszka Sorokowska, at the University of Wrocław in Poland, wanted to understand what would change once family life began. “I got pregnant, and then I wrote the grant proposal to look at this,” she says.
With her colleagues. Sorokowska recruited nearly 300 heterosexual couples who had been together for at least two years and had no children. Every six months. for at least two years. participants filled out surveys on their own—ranking. on a scale from 0 to 6. how much they loved their partner and how committed they were.
From that larger group, the researchers analyzed results from 71 couples who had a baby during the study. The pattern that emerged was clear: pregnancy itself had no impact on the measures the team tracked. But after childbirth. participants reported loving their partners less and being less committed to maintaining the relationship within one year after giving birth.
For couples who remained without children during the study, there was no change over the same period.
Sorokowska presented the results at the Love, Actually and in Theory meeting in Edinburgh, UK, last month. She plans to keep surveying the same couples until their children reach adulthood, to determine whether the effects are long-lasting.
Other research suggests the worst of the change may be concentrated early. “There’s a steep decline in [relationship satisfaction] in the first year. only a small decline from year one to two. and then it seems to slowly recover [several years later]. ” says Valentina Rauch-Anderegg. an independent psychologist in Zurich. Switzerland.
The new study didn’t measure whether these early shifts harm parents’ well-being. Rauch-Anderegg still doubts it automatically translates into major distress. “It’s not that we can say all these couples have relationship distress that means they need to see a therapist. but they certainly can notice something changed in their relationship. ” she says.
What might be driving the shift is less about a sudden lack of affection and more about how life rearranges itself. Pregnancy brings physical and hormonal upheaval, and new parents often feel overwhelmed by childcare duties. Rauch-Anderegg points to how easy everyday closeness can become. “Simply sitting on a couch to Netflix-and-chill with your partner, or going for a walk, [often] becomes impossible,” she says.
There is also a practical question underneath the findings: what happens when the couple can’t “do couple life” the way they used to?. Rauch-Anderegg’s answer is active rather than passive—turn toward support and planning. “You can make sure you’re communicating clearly about your vision for having a kid – what is the core of your relationship that you want to maintain even if there’s a baby?. Whether it’s a hike once a year or 20 minutes of partner time a week.”.
The surveys may be designed to capture love and commitment on a 0-to-6 scale. but the real story is the quiet shift many parents recognize: less time. less space. and a relationship that has to be rebuilt in the noise of early parenthood. Sorokowska’s team will keep watching to see how long that rebuilding takes—and whether it leads. as other research suggests. back toward something steadier.
parenthood relationship satisfaction partner love commitment newborn couples study pregnancy hormones childcare stress communication MISRYOUM Science News
Lol no kidding, babies change everything.
So pregnancy didn’t do it but childbirth did… ok, but isn’t that basically the same thing? Like the mom’s hormones drop after, right? Feels obvious to me, not some “hard numbers” thing.
I’m not even sure I believe it. “Loved less” is so vague. My cousin had a baby and she said she loved her partner more because they were finally a team. Also if they didn’t account for the relationship before, how do we know it wasn’t already falling apart?
This sounds like one of those studies where they ask people every 6 months and then go “wow feelings changed.” I mean, if you’re exhausted for a year you’re not gonna feel romantic. Also it says practical ways to soften the blow, but like… what, sleep training fixes commitment? Seems like propaganda for couples therapy.