3 ways California parents can better communicate with their kids and their teachers

With a new school year starting in California, parents should communicate early and often with teachers and other school staff to set their children up for success. 

That communication also should happen with their kids, as well, especially if  they are making major school transitions, such as starting middle school or high school.

Those were among the pieces of advice experts shared Thursday at an EdSource roundtable focused on what parents should know as their children return to school this year. 

The panelists — including a counselor, teacher, principal and parent leaders — agreed that parents and school staff can set students up for success if they work together. 

“You have to assume the teacher, the school, the district, and you all have the same goal, which is for your child’s success,” said panelist Chris Deng, a San Leandro parent with children who attended the San Leandro Unified School District. “And it’s all built on that, and then you just have to work with each other.”

Here are other key takeaways from the EdSource roundtable.

Take advantage of opportunities

Alma Lopez, a counseling coordinator with Livingston Union School District, urged parents not to wait until parent-teacher conferences to raise concerns with their children’s teachers and school staff. 

Those conferences typically take place at least six weeks into the school year. “Sometimes there are things that need to be brought to the attention of the teacher or the principal, or someone else in the school building before then,” Lopez said.

Being proactive can be especially crucial for parents with children who are on an Individualized Education Plan or are English learners. 

“I think it’s just important to not necessarily feel that you have to know everything about the system, but to know that you, as a parent, are an important part of that team to work with the school to ensure that your students’ needs are being met,” Lopez said. 

Humanize each other 

Parents could benefit from remembering that their child’s teacher isn’t just a teacher, they’re also a human being, said Maritza Bermudez, a parent leader in Orange County. Bermudez said  parents should try to create a “deep connection” with teachers, which she said can be a “game changer” for communication.

“The teacher didn’t take my questions on the defensive side, like, ‘Oh wow, this mom’s coming in with all these questions, she’s grilling me,’” Bermudez said. “You don’t have to have all the answers, but know that I’m here for my child. How can we partner up?”

Alicia Simba, a transitional kindergarten teacher in the Oakland Unified School District said it’s easy for teachers and parents to feel judged, which can create a “stalemate” when they try to communicate. 

To avoid that, Simba recommended “assuming best intent” with every conversation. “Coming from a collaborative place, coming from a place that’s non-judgmental and non-accusatory” is beneficial, she added.

Prepare for school transitions

Parents should expect additional challenges when their child is starting school or transitioning to a new level, such as middle school or high school.

For parents with kids who are going to school for the first time in transitional kindergarten or kindergarten, they should be ready for “unpredictable feelings,” Simba said. 

She has seen parents who, at the beginning of the school year, predicted their child would be crying every day and having a difficult time, only for that child to “have an easy breezy time.” Alternatively, she has seen kids who have “sobbed uncontrollably,” even though their parents expected a smooth transition. 

“I think it’s just letting parents know that all feelings are good, and not trying to shame kids for how they feel,” Simba added.

For students transitioning to middle school, Lopez said the “big shift” she typically sees is in their friendships.

“I spend a lot of time talking to our sixth grade students about how their friendships might change. They might shift. They might end. They might grow,” she said. She encouraged parents to talk to their kids about friendships and help them understand that those shifts are normal.

When students eventually move on to high school, it’s important for parents to help them to “start learning how to speak for themselves,” said Melissa Agudelo, principal at Lincoln High School in the San Diego Unified School District. 

Agudelo shared “conversation strategies” she used with her own kids to open lines of communication. For example, rather than simply asking how their day was after a day of school, she suggested asking more specific questions. 

“My favorite one is best, worst, new. What was the best thing that happened in your day, the worst thing that happened in your day, and something new,” Agudelo said.

Another option, she said, is to ask for “the top three things still on your mind from school today.”

These types of questions work, she said, because they are “completely open-ended.” But  parents also should be prepared to “listen and engage,” she said, because their children might get comfortable enough to share things that are hard to hear. 

“Working with them and honoring that trust and helping them develop their voice, that’s what we’re looking for at the high school level, that’s what universities are looking for, that’s what employers are looking for,” Agudelo said.

This story was originally published by EdSource.