In Misryoum’s Dating Files, a 24-year-old in Auckland shares what she wants from dating, from curiosity to avoiding anonymity.
A string of messages from older men is shaping the way a 24-year-old Aucklander thinks about dating apps.
In the first of Misryoum’s new series on dating in New Zealand, the non-binary, bisexual/queer respondent says they’re on Grindr and looking for something casual right now, but not completely anonymous.. Their preference is to learn about the person they’re seeing without necessarily blending their lives too quickly, with a deeper connection in mind if the timing and chemistry align.
Misryoum asked for the details, and the answer was blunt: “a lot of old men in my DMs,” which they don’t welcome. They say that while they’re open to opportunities as they come, they’d rather meet someone in a way that helps them read the vibe sooner than later.
For this dater, the line between “just messaging” and actually getting to know someone matters. It affects not only comfort, but also whether conversations turn into something real, or stall before they begin.
Their most recent serious relationship was a four-year non-monogamous relationship with another queer person, which included two years of living together.. They describe the split as coming down to personal change and needing to work through things independently, and they say it ended on good terms, just weeks before an anniversary.
The worst date, they recall, was in 2019 at Holey Moley on the Auckland waterfront. They say the venue was basically empty, they didn’t connect, and the mismatch came into focus at the end when they realised they had opposing political views.
By contrast, their best date is tied to a six-month anniversary trip with their previous partner. They describe it as a weekend in practice, but one that brought lasting memories and deeper conversation, including an unexpected shared love for omelettes at Bennetts in Mangawhai.
Misryoum’s respondent also reflects on an earlier regret: telling a first girlfriend they no longer loved her on their one-year anniversary. They note it landed better than expected, but it remains the most regrettable moment they can point to from a date.
When it comes to red flags, they say the biggest warning sign so far is a lack of curiosity.. In their view, not asking questions and not trying to learn about the other person is a deal-breaker.. They prefer to show up in their own style, and they emphasise that wanting to be interested goes beyond small talk.
The series also touches on practicalities like paying for dates. If someone proposes the outing, they say that person should cover it; if it feels more mutual, they lean toward 50/50, depending on the situation.
At the end, the message is clear: dating should not be ruled by platforms alone.. They say they’d rather meet people in person because it’s easier to gauge who someone is.. And that’s the bigger point for Misryoum’s readers, too, because the best conversations often start when life allows for more than just online scrolling.