Saturday Night – Matt Damon, Colin Jost, and Aziz Ansari teamed up in an SNL cold open with jokes about war, abortion, and an “FBI bourbon.”
A Supreme Court justice swore he’d “live forever” while bonding with a defense secretary and an FBI director over drinks in tonight’s Saturday Night Live cold open, turning a group hang into a sprint of political punchlines.
Matt Damon appeared as Brett Kavanaugh. joining Colin Jost’s Pete Hegseth and Aziz Ansari’s Kash Patel in a bar-centric sketch that kicked off with Jost’s character stepping into the scene with a distinctly personal rule for nights out.. As he put it. he’s able to slip in somewhere “where I’m not going to run into anyone from work. ” because. in his telling. Trump’s people don’t drink like he does.
The mood immediately shifted when Damon’s Kavanaugh burst into the cold open. roaring with recognition and calling out Jost’s character by nickname.. Jost’s Hegseth then reacted with a worried question about whether Damon’s character was accidentally included in a Signal chat—only for Kavanaugh to brush the concern aside by claiming he only noticed “the women covering their drinks.”
From there, the sketch leaned into a rhythm of boastful competition.. Damon’s Kavanaugh declared. “We are both kicking ass right now!” as Hegseth chimed in. and the Supreme Court justice answered with claims that blended triumphal swagger with biting wordplay. including an assertion that he “ended abortion” while tossing in a “Your body. my choice” line as part of the back-and-forth.
The characters’ camaraderie also came with a sense of longing for camaraderie inside the broader cast of appointees. Damon’s Kavanaugh later expressed that he wished more people in the administration could “really hang,” a wish that quickly set up Kash Patel’s entrance.
Ansari’s Patel, reprising the role for the second straight week, loudly announced himself as the “FBI Director,” adding a bar-related question about whether the place takes cash. His arrival wasn’t just for momentum—it set up the sketch’s next big bit, centered on drinking rituals and image.
Ansari’s Patel then unveiled a custom bottle: he claimed he made his own “FBI bourbon. ” complete with his name on it.. The joke landed on the bottle’s intentional look. framed as resembling the kind of item the real-life FBI Director has reportedly been giving out as gifts. with Patel insisting. “This is real. ” even as he proudly shows it off.
Part of Patel’s pitch was also social.. He explained he brings his own alcohol because. in his experience. bars sometimes treat him like he’s trying to use a fake ID.. Still. the character shifted the tone to celebration. telling his fellow Trump appointees that. in his view. “we’re all living the American dream. ” adding personal background about being the first in his family to go to college and describing how long after graduating he ended up at parties.
Meanwhile, the bar talk turned even more political as Damon’s Kavanaugh leaned into a “top secret” confession.. He claimed the plan is to let Trump do a third term. dismissing the idea that it’s unconstitutional and insisting that Trump “found the original Constitution” before ending with a playful “Sike!” that segued into Kavanaugh’s repeated. headline-grabbing line about immortality: “We’re gonna live forever!”
The cold open closed with the three Trump-appointee characters—Kavanaugh, Hegseth, and Patel—jumping and singing “Tubthumping” by Chumbawamba straight to camera, landing the sketch on a chaotic, sing-along high note that reframed their earlier talk of power as something closer to a victory lap.
If you want to see how the drinks, the boasts, and the “FBI bourbon” tumble into that final musical moment, the segment is available to watch as part of the show’s cold open.
Saturday Night Live cold open Matt Damon Kavanaugh Colin Jost Hegseth Aziz Ansari Patel political comedy sketch FBI bourbon Chumbawamba Tubthumping