A win-at-all-costs youth culture can push kids out early. Misryoum argues participation, rotating roles, and psychological safety keep children playing longer and building resilience.
Youth sport in many communities has become more than a weekly game. For some children, it has started to feel like a test they can fail.
Misryoum takes a clear look at the pressure that builds when “winning” becomes the main target too early—especially for the youngest age groups.. Dr Colman Noctor, a child psychotherapist, argues that children’s sport should prioritize inclusion and ongoing participation, not simply selecting the “most promising” players and investing in them.
The concern is not competition itself.. Winning and losing are part of sport, and they can teach useful lessons when handled well.. The problem, Noctor says, is the adult weight placed on outcomes in children’s games, where the goal shifts from participation to selection.. When that happens, training intensifies at younger ages and the environment becomes more outcome-driven, changing the tone from enjoyment to performance.
As clubs chase short-term results, the structure can quietly narrow.. Sessions may still look organised—drills, position specialisation, and competitive patterns that can appear impressive.. But the trade-off can be less obvious: spontaneity and creativity fade.. Most importantly, fun starts to disappear, and with it the reason many children want to stay.
At younger ages, the emotional stakes are higher than adults often assume.. Sport is one of the key ways children learn social skills beyond the home—moving with others, sharing space, taking turns, and coping with small disappointments.. Misryoum frames this as more than “character building.” These early experiences are part of the foundation for long-term participation later on.
Between about nine and 12, the social dimension becomes sharper.. Children notice who gets picked, who gets praised, and who spends time on the pitch.. That attention can be hard to ignore, particularly when being “chosen” starts to feel like a public measure of value.. Noctor cautions that a “sink or swim” approach is too harsh for this stage of development and that children’s sport should avoid treating early selection as normal.
There’s also a subtle way labels become real.. Over time, rigid patterns of selecting stronger players can turn into social constructs—one child becomes “the free-taker,” another “the defender,” and someone else becomes “the bench warmer.” Misryoum notes how opportunities narrowing can chip away at confidence, even when ability is still developing and differences in performance can be temporary or uneven.
The article’s practical message is about balance: participation and standards don’t have to be opposites.. Children who enjoy sport tend to keep showing up, which creates the time and repetition needed for skills, confidence, and resilience to grow.. Noctor argues that resilience does not come from constant pressure or being left out; it comes from manageable challenges within a supportive environment—where mistakes are allowed and children feel safe to try.
In real club settings, that can be seen in how decisions are made.. When winning is the priority, coaches may lean heavily on their strongest players, reduce risk with substitutions, and repeatedly choose familiar tactical options.. Noctor describes situations where stronger juvenile players pass mostly to each other, leaving others excluded—and warns that if adults ignore this, it becomes normal.. For a child who is regularly overlooked, that dynamic can be deeply discouraging, not motivational.
Misryoum also points to a retention-focused way of judging clubs.. Some organisations may collect fewer trophies, but keep more children through adolescence, when dropouts are often highest.. The mechanism, Noctor suggests, is psychological safety: children need environments where they are not afraid to try, fail, or be judged.. They shouldn’t be reduced to a single role or moment.
Protecting fun: what a healthier youth setup can look like
Healthy youth environments share practical approaches: participation is prioritised, roles and responsibilities are rotated, and effort and attitude are recognised alongside skill.. Noctor includes a personal perspective from coaching a team for six years, describing how players once considered “weaker” at 11 can become among the strongest by 15.. The implication is straightforward for Misryoum’s readers: early exclusion can block later growth.
Noctor does not deny that abilities differ, or that those differences become more visible with age.. The argument is that early sport should be about exposure rather than early specialisation.. Every child should get the chance to try different roles, take responsibility, and experience both success and failure in a supportive environment.
That is where winning and losing should land differently in children’s sport.. Misryoum’s takeaway is that accepting short-term losses for participation’s sake can produce long-term gains in belonging and community.. When children feel valued and included, they often return—not for medals, but because they want to play with friends, develop skills, and belong.
The next time a coach prepares a “must-win” match at under-12 level, Noctor’s message is to consider the children on the bench.. For some of them, a few minutes of game time may be the difference between continuing next season or walking away.. In other words, what matters most in children’s sport may be simpler than any trophy chase: protecting the fun, and protecting the child experience that makes sport worth coming back to.