master conversationalists – Expert Vanessa Van Edwards outlines five specific phrases designed to build immediate rapport in professional and personal settings.
For those who find the art of conversation an uphill battle. the secret to building rapport may not lie in grand gestures or rehearsed pitches. but in five simple. repeatable phrases. After two decades of analyzing the habits of master conversationalists. behavioral researcher Vanessa Van Edwards has codified the linguistic cues that turn mundane small talk into meaningful professional relationships.
These techniques are detailed in her latest book. *Conversation: How to Connect with Anyone & Make Every Interaction Count*. released October 6. 2026. by Portfolio. Whether in a high-stakes investor call or an everyday team meeting. the goal is to trigger an immediate sense of connection—provided the delivery remains authentic.
The most direct way to signal value is the phrase. “I was just thinking about you!” Van Edwards recalls a time she wanted to reach out to a VIP contact. By framing her message around a shared interest—a national skimboarding competition she stumbled upon—she moved the conversation from a simple check-in to a professional speaking invitation at the contact’s corporate retreat. The tactic works by making the recipient feel prioritized.
Equally effective is the request. “Tell me more!” When a person is interrupted in a group setting or a story is left unfinished. inviting them to continue validates their experience. Van Edwards notes that even in clinical settings. such as when she was hospitalized with food poisoning. showing genuine interest in a nurse’s personal hobbies. such as her involvement with a local bike ride. fundamentally shifted the dynamic of the interaction. resulting in more attentive care.
Personalizing a follow-up is another anchor for rapport. By saying, “Last time we were talking, you mentioned…” the speaker demonstrates active listening. This practice famously helped Earvin “Magic” Johnson build his relationship with his wife. Cookie. when he surprised her with yellow roses after she mentioned her preference for that specific color.
Establishing common ground through the phrase “Same here!” allows for instant alignment. During a 2025 podcast preparation for a session with Khloé Kardashian. Van Edwards utilized this by highlighting shared biographical details. such as their mutual history of attending all-girls schools and both being parents of two children. which she describes as activating “instant bestie mode.”.
Finally, the direct validation of “You’re so…” serves to label positive traits in others. This goes beyond mere complimenting; it shapes how people see themselves. It was this exact approach that launched the career of Cristóbal Balenciaga. As a young boy. his exclamation to the Marquesa de Casa Torres—“How elegant you are!”—led her to mentor the burgeoning designer after she witnessed his keen eye for fashion.
Each of these phrases functions on a clear psychological principle: people want to be remembered, heard, and validated. The consistency of these interactions—moving from individual acknowledgment to shared identity—creates a bridge that transforms passive conversation into active engagement.
As Van Edwards observes. these tools are not about manufacturing charm. but about making the other person feel valued for exactly who they are. In the high-pressure environment of entrepreneurship. where every interaction can either drive or stall a business. the ability to make a connection count remains a critical. learnable skill.
Vanessa Van Edwards Conversation rapport communication skills networking professional development