Networking the wrong way can cost you jobs

networking the – In a tighter job market shaped by AI-generated applications, career coaches and etiquette experts warn that networking failures—like sending cold, copy-paste messages—can backfire. Their guidance focuses on personalized outreach, maintaining professionalism, d

For many job seekers, networking isn’t just a career advantage anymore—it can be the difference between being remembered and being ignored. With AI-generated applications flooding inboxes and the market staying tough for desk workers, making connections has become central.

But a string of generic outreach messages can do more than fail to help. Jasmine Escalera, a career expert with MyPerfectResume, puts it bluntly: “You can’t go into it cold. That doesn’t mean that you can’t go into it making a cold connection, but you can’t go into it just without a connection.”

Escalara says the message matters as much as the method. People should avoid copy-and-paste notes on LinkedIn and instead personalize their approach. That connection doesn’t always have to be strictly professional, she adds—finding a common hobby can be a bridge.

The pressure to get it right is showing up across careers. Madeline Mann, a career coach and CEO of Self Made Millennial, emphasizes that outreach should feel real and reciprocal. “If you’re going to ask for 15 minutes of their time, be sure to show that you spent 15 minutes of yours,” she said.

Still, not all networking happens online. Brandon Dock, managing director of the recruitment firm TGC Search, says face-to-face conversations remain the most effective. And Dorie Clark. a communication coach who wrote the book “The Long Game. ” cautions against treating social media as a substitute for real effort: “I have always been a fan of using social media and other online tools as part of your arsenal. but it is a grave mistake to think of it as the entirety of your networking strategy.”.

Even when people reach out successfully, small signals can undermine them. Escalara says keeping it professional matters at in-person events, including keeping drinking to a minimum. On social media, she recommends a “professional tone” and a “tight brand.”

Gen Zers. in particular. can struggle to balance friendliness with formality. Escalara and Lisa Richey. the founder of the American Academy of Etiquette. said. Richey pointed to a handshake as a reliable guidepost: “The formality of a handshake — you can never go wrong. It shows leadership. It shows confidence.”.

Style is part of that same signal. Now that in-person schmoozing is back. Mann says dressing the part is crucial—though each industry calls for a slightly different look. “Dress the way someone would in that office or in the industry, with a step up,” she said. Mann also advised that, no matter your gender, a button-down top is a safe bet. Escalara suggested keeping an outfit simple with a single standout accessory.

The details matter because the “right” outfit changes by field. Mann said a suit might look odd at a tech event but is perfectly normal among lawyers.

Those rules translate online too, Richey said. If someone is joining a meeting by video, she said, “you have to be aware of what’s going on behind you, your hair. You have to be groomed. You have to dress the part, even if it’s an online meeting.”

Timing is another common misstep. People often network only when they need something. and Clark warns that this instinct—especially during uncertainty—can push job seekers into the same overcrowded cycle. “Whenever there’s an economic down cycle. and people start to get worried about their jobs. that is inevitably when networking accelerates. ” Clark said.

Her point is less about being optimistic and more about staying visible before the crisis moment. To avoid becoming just one among many asking for a favor. Clark said people should maintain relationships even when they’re secure in a job. She advised texting closer connections and reaching out when you’re not looking for anything in return.

Mann agrees that keeping connections alive doesn’t follow a single script. She says conversations can come from “the unlikeliest of places. ” and the key is to chat about interests frequently—“Never underestimate who knows the person you want to know. ” she said. adding that maybe your barber’s cousin works at your dream company.

Even with the right timing and tone, conversations can still go off track if they become self-centered. Mann and Escalara both stress the need to notice people rather than simply collecting contacts. “Don’t focus on knowing people. Focus on noticing people,” Mann said.

Preparing questions helps. Both Mann and Escalara recommend coming with specific questions for people you find exciting. Escalara said that an elevator pitch can be useful. but it shouldn’t turn the exchange into a performance: “Having a good elevator pitch is really awesome. but what we don’t want to do is make it all about you. ” she said. It can make the process feel “robotic.”.

When the conversation does shift toward help, the “ask” must be handled carefully. Clark says networking is necessarily transactional, but power dynamics are real. “You have to be cognizant of power relations and power differentials in networking. ” Clark said. noting that you can ask a friend for more favors than a distant connection.

Clark also urges restraint. “You need to be very targeted and strategic about your ask, and you can probably only get away with asking them one thing,” she added.

Mann frames it as a change in mindset: flipping the switch from asking to giving. Instead of trying to extract information, she said people should find ways to provide value in return—something as simple as tips for a coming vacation.

After the conversation ends, gratitude can’t be an afterthought. Mann’s advice is specific: “Do not forget to follow up with them the next day or within a few hours. thanking them.” She also said follow-up shouldn’t stop at thanks—“And do not forget within the coming weeks to say how you utilize their insights.”.

For a growing number of job seekers, networking isn’t just about getting attention. It’s about proving—through attention to details. tone. and timing—that you know how to build relationships that don’t feel forced. In a market where the basics are already crowded. doing it “wrong” can be the difference between an introduction and a dead end.

networking job search LinkedIn outreach career coaching etiquette Jasmine Escalera Madeline Mann Dorie Clark Brandon Dock Lisa Richey MyPerfectResume Self Made Millennial TGC Search The Long Game